The relationship between tiredness, productivity, and accident-prone levels

(click on image to see a bigger image of the graph)

Bootlicking

I guess it's pretty normal to want to "show your best properties" to your superior, be it your boss, your parents or your lecturers for that matter of fact...

However, it intrigues me the extent people will go to do so. Maybe because people with my background does not engage in this... (I mean... if the answer is 50, bootlicking does not make your 60 answer correct) I get really bothered when some students go all the way out to "impress" the lecturer. "Impress" not in term of doing well in their work, but in terms of quoting how "wonderful and capable" their lecturer is on an academic forum.

Maybe I'm aloof, but if saying your lecturer is "pretty and capable and smart" helps get you good grades, then I lose all the respect I can have on educators. = = Please lar... don't treat your lecturer like a fool, I seriously doubt he/she will be impressed or flattered.

The first step to wisdom

The first step towards wisdom, is probably to acknowledge that you know close to nothing. For it is only through knowing that, can one be truly humble and receptive towards learning. And maybe... through relentless learning, one can someday achieve some form of wisdom...

So... Maybe I'm on my way to achieving wisdom... = =

Happy Birthday

Dear Starlight,

Happy Birthday. We miss you.


Love,
Ale

I need...

I need a break,
I need a place where I can get rest and peace...
I need to sleep,
I need to think,
I need a recharge of my flattened energy.
I need people who understand me,
I need people who tolerate me...
I need some care and love.
I need to smile,
I need a listening ear, a helping support, an island in the middle of the ocean...
I need to survive...

In our hearts

Sometimes, when people don't talk about it, it doesn't mean that they don't remember.
You might be happy to know that we all remembered.

Work Ethics

Since young, I am the kind of child who will sacrifice my sleep to finish my homework, or finish studying a test. In my work ethics, I will sacrifice leisure and rest to make sure that my work is up to a certain minimum standard. And well... I get upset, or rather, I get pissed... when others don't have the same kind of work ethics. Or then again, maybe I get pissed when I have to face the consequences of someone elses' willingness to sacifice work for leisure and rest.

I think I am too demanding... = =

The Way She Hopes to be Remembered

Went for a performance on Saturday evening to support a friend of mine. At the performance, the performers made a special tribute to their ex-president who passed away. And something they said really hit me. One of the performers said: "As a performer, I think the way he will want to be remembered is not though a minute of silence, but a standing ovalation.". It was a beautiful tribute to a wonderful person.

What happened that night started to make me think... how will Starlight like to be remembered? One thing I know for sure, is she will like to be remembered. She will like to be loved. But how does she hope to be remembered exactly? I realise I don't know her favorite colour, her favorite song, her favorite book... There are so many things I don't know about her... somehow, I feel that my lack of knowledge had crippled me to remember her as well as I hope I can remember her.

I've been acting pretty childishly recently towards some people... not a way I will like to have behaved... but very often, the espoused theory and the theory-in-action differs greatly.

Starlight

Dear Starlight,

It's National Day today. Are you looking at the fireworks through the clouds?

School's starting on a few days' time. We will be starting a semester without you... and soon, we will be graduating without you. I think alot of us will hope that you are here to go through this stage of our lives with us. But well... unlike us, you don't need to worry about FYP or curse the jap department for letting Intro to Jap Studies clash with our timetable for the 7th time in a row (yes... 7th time = =). Hope you are enjoying yourself in Heaven my dear.

Just want you to know that we all miss you dearly. *hugs*

With love,
Ale

社会は病気？

Was going for Jap classes this evening and while I was walking through the underground tunnel from Orchard MRT towards Shaw House, there was a wheelchair-bound gentleman trying to push his way through the crowd uphill towards the MRT station. There must have been hundreds of people who walked passed him, but no one seemed to have noticed the gentleman. As as he was using all his might to push himself up the slope, people simply walked by him.

Was it so difficult to offer to push him up the slope? While it's a gentle slope to us, any one who drives probably know that you need more power than it seems to go uphill. Didn't anyone see that he was having a hard time pushing himself upwards? Or did everyone simply ignored him because he looked like he's salivating and have problems talking? Or was everyone so caught up in their own lives that they can't even take 5 minutes out to help a fellow human in distress?

Sentosa!!! ^^

More photos in my wretch photo album~ ^^

最近瘋狂中的事

1）每天都準時到吳吉尊的blog報道，看看有沒有新照片或網志。
2）每天都要聼最少一次蕭敬騰的《世界唯一的你》。
3）有空就看看crunchyroll上有沒有新的日劇或臺灣娛樂節目。
4）喜歡看Discovery Travel and Living頻道上的"Miami Ink"，有想要紋身的衝動。（但是估計不太可能 = =）
5）看了"Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"和重新讀了"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"後現在嚴重期待第7本問世。*考慮要不要去定購多一本書中* （因爲老妹已經定購一本了，她看完我就能看了）

生活がうまく行かない時

生活がうまく行かない時、あなたはどうする？
普通は旅行へ行ったり、買い物したり、ちゃんと休んで、エネルーギをチャージするだろう？
その後、また元気満々で再出発できるはずだから。
でも最近、不愉快なことを会ったら逃げちゃう人がどんどん増えて来たと思う。
逃げちゃうと言えば、最激のは自殺かなぁ～
人は何でそこまでやるだろうか？
死ぬのは、結構勇気が必要だろう？
死ぬ勇気があったら、何で生きていて、ちゃんと問題を解決できないのかなぁ？

飞轮海 - 海角乐园

在百度吴尊吧看到了一些海角乐园里头吴吉尊的照片~~~
现在处于严重花痴状态！！！！！！！！！！
天啊~~ 我的怎么21日才能拿到啊？？？？？ 我现在就要！！！
吴吉尊，长那么帅是不道德的！！！！！

*严重花痴中*

生日

多一个小时就生日了~~
22岁的人生，我到底有什么收获呢？
是朋友吗？是智慧吗？
我又对这世界做出了什么贡献呢？

接下来的人生，又能得到什么呢？做到什么呢？
22年好快就过去了~
我还有多少个22年呢？
想到就觉得自己必须把握时间，做点什么……
做什么呢？
改变世界？
说真的，小时候真的觉得就算是我一个人，也能让这个世界变得更美好。
现在呢~
也许希望自己能让身边的人更开心吧？
做点自己能做到的好了。

21岁的这一年发生了很多事情，
总觉得坏的好像比好的多。
生日愿望呢~ 就希望身边的大家都能比去年更快乐点吧？
希望自己的人生能多点欢笑和温暖，少点寂寞。
希望自己能开始像个大人，有大人的担当和责任心。
希望自己能变得更坚强，也能对所做的所有事情更努力一点，更用心一点。

I Love My Friends

Nothing feels better than a nice lazy afternoon with my girlfriends. A great lunch at Waraku at the new shopping centre at Clarke Quay, fantastic Hokkaido ice-cream, a walk along Singapore River to Liang Court, lotsa laughter (and suaning...) and a simple feeling of being totally comfortable and relaxed. I love my girlfriends. ^^

Photos are up in my wretch blog's album, a password of our sec four class name is needed, without caps. (Those who dun know my class in sec 4 can ask me on msn. ^^)

記憶

人的記憶很微妙~
不管多痛苦，多難過的事情，
只要過了一些時間就會不再那麽痛，不再那麽難過。
對那痛苦的事情的記憶也會逐漸淡化。
有時候，甚至會完全想不起發生過什麽讓自己曾經那麽痛苦。

有時候在想，
我們是真的忘記了嗎？

還是人類的求生本能，
讓我們以爲我們已經忘記，
好讓我們能繼續生存？
而那記憶只是被隱藏在我們記憶深處裏的那個角落，
隨時會因爲某些事情而被呼喚起來呢？

更或者，也許，
隨著我們的成長，
我們的視野逐漸比以前寬闊了~
因此，
那些曾經讓我們很痛苦很悲哀的事情，
已經不再引起同樣的情緒反應了？

其實，
不管怎樣都好，
短暫的人生，
也許真的只要快樂就好。

而每天起床，
能呼吸，
能感覺到太陽的溫暖，
也許就是最值得我們覺得快樂的事情了。

其他根本就不重要。

Updates

Just an update on what's going on to assure you that I'm still alive.

- Been going back to school 3-4 times a week to work on my urop project. Learning to get use to working with unknowns and working alone.
- Shu came over to stay over last weekend.
- Mum and sis came back from China.
- Ting came back from Ireland, waiting for Meli to get back too.
- Planning a short getaway with Ting and Jas this hols, dunno if Meli's joining us.
- Planned to go Sentosa with Hua and Ber but never got about to arrange an outing.
- Major forum screw up recently... lotsa pple swarming in, causing some trouble.
- Grandma's out of hospital but going back to have blood perfusion tests.
- Some friends graduating this August, myself being left with one more year of FYP and uni and an unknown future.
- Been in need of some temper and anger management therapy.
- Just got slightly better from a bout of flu and am still recovering.
- Flu came about last fri and got worse after I got dehydrated while painting Bishan Home for the Disabled (Volunteer work). Organizers could have provided more drinking water.
- Wuchun went back to taipei last fri, should have waited outside M hotel in case he drops by during transit for his chicken rice.

2 Months On

Dear Starlight,

It's been 2 months since you left us...
Seems like a long time ago, but to think about it, 2 months is actually really not that long. Maybe it's because so many things have happened over the 2 months, so I get the impression as though it's been a long time.

Sometimes it feels as though you are still with us. It's just not very realistic that I will not see you around in school anymore. But you've taken the step ahead before us. Are you waiting for us in Heaven? I'm not Christian... will I get to go there to see you when I die?

By the way, how are things there in Heaven? Are the flower garlands there pretty? Is God a pretty bishonen or is he a fatherly person? What about Jesus? Is the THE hot guy in Heaven? What about the people there? Are they all peaceful and friendly? Are you peaceful? Oh well... as long as you are enjoying yourself there yah? ^^

Seriously, I was angry that you left us like that. Of course, the feeling of sadness and guilt is more profound... I know it's your decision, and I will learn to accept it yah? but dear... I really miss you, I miss it when you always tell me that I will be ok, I miss the little sweet chats we have, I miss the times we talk and have lunch, and how you are always willing to listen to my Takuya and WuChun madness... I really wish you are still around.

Hmm... about me... I feel I'm more pessimistic now... and sometimes more lonely too. I don't know if it's because of you, but I get more emotional nowadays. I will try to remember to be nicer to people and to give more; just like the way you always choose to give. I have lost you, I really don't wanna lose another friend.

ok... enough about sad things... I just need to tell you, UCHI is coming back!!! Mr. Kitagawa may have woken up one day and decide to be nice to the JE boys... so Jin's back, so is Uchi! haha~ Or maybe you know about all these already? Oh well, just thought you will like to know. ^^

ok dear... you have fun in Heaven ok? Miss ya very much.


With Love,
Your friend Ale

想放假

好想到海边走走，
好想去外国散散心，
好想逃离一切责任和负担，
好想什么都不理，什么都不管，
只为自己生活。
绳子已经那么紧了~

再施点压力，会断的。

累

跟人说话很累，
对人微笑很累，
为了维持谈话而想话题很累。
因为我是个很懒的人吧~
所以要动脑子的事情都让我觉得很累。
当对方满腔热情地跟自己说话，
不热情地回应，不让对方觉得快乐，
总觉得有点不应该。
但是热热闹闹几个小时后，
回到自己的小窝里，
自己才真正的自在，
可是，
也格外的孤单。

故作忧郁

从小我就自认不是一个很女生的女生，
不喜欢穿裙子，不会穿高跟鞋，不化妆，不会娇羞，不会撒娇，不会哭。
看了感动的电影，
身边的好朋友哭得稀里哗啦的，
我则在那里快睡着了。
啊~ 也不是，我会哭，还记得哭出来的电影是《Lilo and Stitch》和《Spirit》。
别问我为什么哭，就是哭了。 = =
毕业典礼上，
因为是女校，
同学们好多都是抱在一起大哭……
我呢~ 则像个男生般在那里手足无措。

我不喜欢把心里的感觉说出来，
也不喜欢给别人看到我忧郁的样子。
说真的~ 我是很容易担心，焦虑，
但是我很少心情低落。
或者说，
我就算心情低落也很少跟人说，
反正看看某拓，看看吴吉尊，笑一下就没事了。
每次看到别人很感人的字句，
也蛮羡慕的~
因为我呢~
不会写这样的东西。
所以我有时会觉得自己有点没血没肉……
甚至……看到太忧郁的人会觉得他们故作忧郁。

但是不管男生还是女生都会有脆弱的时候吧？
把自己忧郁，脆弱的一面藏起来，可能是为了自我保护吧？
但是其实说出来有什么不好呢？
哭出来有什么不好呢？
也许，能说出来的人才是最坚强的。
因为他们懂得面对自己脆弱的一面。

所以……
忧郁就说出来吧，
伤心就说出来吧，
心痛就哭出来吧，
面对脆弱的自己，才能把自己变得更强。

5センチの吴吉尊妄想

1.目覚めた時【5センチの吴吉尊】があなたの顔を覗き込んでいました。どうしますか？
(醒來的時候"5cm的吴吉尊"正在看著你，你會怎麼樣?)

哇！！！ 陈嘉桦？？？ 你在哪里？？ 你的梦想实现了！！！
好可爱哦~~~ 先收起来~~ 等找到陈嘉桦再给她放口袋~~

2.【5センチの吴吉尊】をあなたは飼いますか？
(你會養5cm的吴吉尊嗎？)

当然~ 5cm的吴吉尊，难得比我小只耶~~
而且，不养他，他会饿~~
不是会被香港台湾的疯狂fans绑架！
当然要美女就英雄啦！ *噗*

3.【5センチの吴吉尊】がお腹が空いたと主張しています。あなたは何を与えますか？
(5cm的吴吉尊說他肚子餓了，你會做什麼給他？)

又饿？ 你10分钟前才吃耶！
早上已经吃了yoghurt和香蕉了，然后早茶，吃了一个草莓蛋糕，然后午餐吃了海南鸡饭和ice kachang，下午茶吃了一个巧克力蛋糕和一个Tiramisu，还多要了一个brownie打包在车上吃，晚餐吃了西餐，还有蘑菇汤，宵夜你还要蛋糕？！
……
先生，你要什么口味？ = =

4.【5センチの吴吉尊】がトイレに行きたがっています。どうしますか？
(5cm的吴吉尊要上廁所，你會怎麼做？)

来吴吉尊，男厕在这里，你要死守在这里哦~ 不要被怪阿姨拉到女厕哦~~ 乖乖~~~~

5.【5センチの吴吉尊】が風呂に入りたがっています。どうしますか？
(5cm的吴吉尊要洗澡了，你會怎麼做？)

帮他擦背！！！ 顺便可以看到完美身材！
什么？ 陈嘉桦不肯？
不要这样啦~~ 看一下又不会死~~
双子座要大方一点哦~！*被ella小姐铁拳打死*

6.【5センチの吴吉尊】と初デート！どこにつれて行きますか？
(第一次跟5cm的吴吉尊約會!! 你要跟他一起去哪裡呢？)

汶莱的海边！
什么？ 顺便去健身房？
不要好不好？？？？？？？ Please???? PLEASE????? *被小小绿巨人拖去健身*

7.最後の質問！【5センチの吴吉尊】がいたらあなたはどう思いますか？
(最後的問題!!如果真的有5cm的吴吉尊你會怎麼樣？)

送给ella收在口袋里~ 陈嘉桦，你要好好照顾吴吉尊哦！！ ^^

8.妄想させたい友達5人をチョイス！
(請點5個你想讓他妄想的朋友!! )

vivien 5cm的 阿尊尊/tamaki（自选）

5センチのCAPTAIN妄想

izumi让我做的~ 5cm的captain！ ^^

1.目覚めた時【5センチのCAPTAIN】があなたの顔を覗き込んでいました。どうしますか？
(醒來的時候"5cm的CAPTAIN"正在看著你，你會怎麼樣?)

拿起来收在口袋里~
哦~
要小心captian的剑~~~
哇！！！ 痛~！
*哄captain把剑收起来*，
然后拿起来收进口袋里~~

2.【5センチのCAPTAIN】をあなたは飼いますか？
(你會養5cm的CAPTAIN嗎？)

都收起来了~ 当然养~~~
顺便买个小海贼船给他掌舵，
然后找几个5cm海贼给他使唤~ ^^v

3.【5センチのCAPTAIN】がお腹が空いたと主張しています。あなたは何を与えますか？
(5cm的CAPTAIN說他肚子餓了，你會做什麼給他？)

鱼……
什么？ 要纳豆？ 海上去哪里找纳豆？
去绑架个sanji给你~

4.【5センチのCAPTAIN】がトイレに行きたがっています。どうしますか？
(5cm的CAPTAIN要上廁所，你會怎麼做？)

嗯~~~ 海上没有厕所~~ 所以就地解决吧。
还是比较喜欢尿布？ *给5cm小拓打死*

5.【5センチのCAPTAIN】が風呂に入りたがっています。どうしますか？
(5cm的CAPTAIN要洗澡了，你會怎麼做？)

把海上的“闲杂鱼等”统统赶走~ 免得他们偷看~
（然后自己在一边看~~ 啊不~ 递毛巾~ ^^）

6.【5センチのCAPTAIN】と初デート！どこにつれて行きますか？
(第一次跟5cm的CAPTAIN約會!! 你要跟他一起去哪裡呢？)

游乐园~~ 像beautiful life一样~ 但是口袋要有拉连，不然会飞走

7.最後の質問！【5センチのCAPTAIN】がいたらあなたはどう思いますか？
(最後的問題!!如果真的有5cm的CAPTAIN你會怎麼樣？)

萌死~~ 可以买吗？ 不然诱拐也要绑架回家

8.妄想させたい友達5人をチョイス！
(請點5個你想讓他妄想的朋友!! )

pamsy 5cm的Takuya
minghao 5cm的Cloud
xiangyun 5cm的spongebob
melissa 5cm的nakata
ziling 5cm的totoro

Organizers

A Mood Organizer and a Memories Organizer from dear Xiangyun for me to organize my haywired moods and memories. ^^ Thanks darling~ it really touched me.

The Weight of the World

We live in a world of people, and we get affected by people too. We get bothered by other's opinions of us, we dress to suit the occasion, we behave to match the society's expectation of us. To put it simply, we want people to like us.

But have you felt tired about being part of a society before? Where is the "ME" in you? Are you doing what YOU want to do all the time? Because we live in a world where a person's action will affect others, we can't live our lives solely based on what we want to do. That's what we call "being considerate".

To live life accomodating to everyone is tiring. We get lost in the attempt to please and to conform and we become unhappy. However, most of us still choose to try to conform. Because being a non-conformist is even more difficult - we are not unable to shut ourselves away the scrutinizing eyes of other people.

But are the non-conformists happier? Because afterall, they are doing what their hearts desire. Being too bothered about what others think about us will only make us upset. How many times are you upset about a rumor about you? Or an workmate who misunderstood you? Or a close one who does not support your decision?

The non-conformists are strong enough to not be bothered about what others think and to do what they want to do. They choose to throw away the weight of the world and be true to themselves. While the rest of us attempt, in our furtile efforts, to carry the weight of the world, the non-conformist floats happily in the weightless realm of the universe.

Impulse Buying

Bought a PURPLE bag for $35.90 that day... it's pretty, but not A4 size, so it works ONLY as a handbag...
Bought a phone plastic screen cover at Daiso for $2 only to find out that it's BLUE and my takuya wallpaper looks EXTREMELY wierd under it.
Bought a Fahrenheit dairy at $15.90 thinking that it's their newest photo album, only to realise that it's an organizer with only 10 pages of pictures, all of which I've seen before.

HELP!!! what's WRONG with me???!!!! Someone seal my wallet!!!!!!!!

What do you do with memories?

What do you do with memories that bring pain and sadness?
Do you destroy them in your attempt to move on? Or do you keep them close to your heart and bring it up every once in a while when it calls? Or do you keep them deep in your heart chamber but not bring them up at all?

I have a problem with managing my memories recently. Tend to like to bring it out every once in a while as though it needs some dusting and... to simply smell the fresh air. However, something tells me that it's time to keep it as memories and move on. But yet again, it doesn't seem right to bury it and seem as though it has never happened. What do I do with memories that went out of control?

Been thinking of moving blog for some time... because my wretch account allows me to post on wuchun's guestbook, and it seems silly to have a blogspace that's empty. But there's so much memories on this blogspot blogspace. And now... it feels almost as though if I continue blogging here, she will still be able to read my entries in heaven. Silly I know... to think like that, but the memories here are too precious for me to give up.

什麽叫I'm ok？

最近很多人跟我說，"you're not ok, don't say you're ok"
說一句實話，一個朋友過世了，
以一個你完全沒辦法理解的方式離開了，
你覺得她帶著悲傷，帶著絕望地走了，
這樣的情況下，誰會ok呢？

一個月后，當時的強烈情緒的確有得到紓緩，
但是痛還是會痛。
跟大家說我沒事，是不希望大家為我擔心，
因爲你們替我擔心也沒用，
只會加重你們的負擔，卻不會減輕我的疼痛。
而且，我會笑，會閙，能吃，能喝，會看吳吉尊，看某拓，會花痴……
我哪裏不ok呢？

心~ 的確有個洞，但是誰都沒辦法去彌補，
除非一切都沒發生，她明天還是會陪我上課，和我嘮叨教授的“無能”。
但是事實是，我們不能倒轉時間。
我曾經在沒進醫學院的時候說過，
心是不會復原的，只能帶著有缺陷的心，繼續生活。
傷口也許會不那麽痛了，但是傷口還是存在的。
我只能學習去和傷口並存，學習不要去觸及那道傷口。

前幾天和vivien在看關於雙子座的個性，
我們是矛盾的，
我們希望有人關心我們，
卻不希望有人干涉我們。
在受傷的時候會跟大家說我們沒事，
但是心裏卻還是渴望大家的關懷。

所以才會在這裡寫這些吧？
縂要有個管道讓我抒發，
不然什麽都憋不住的我會很辛苦。
但是不用太操心，因爲雙子座是很理性的，
我們知道應該怎麽做，也會把自己的情感管理得好好的。

去看了朋友

今天去看了朋友，
买了鲜花，一小束的白玫瑰，
去到那里，找不到门！ orz
也找不到可以问的人。
在舞蹈教室里跳舞的obasan明明看到我了，
竟然继续跳舞！
拜托！ 不是说基督教徒都很乐于助人的吗？
谁来帮帮我这个迷途的羔羊啊！ *汗*
所以后来打给了门上留着名字的联络人，
才问到了正确入口。
进去第一件事就是……
不能带鲜花。 = =
因为是小型，在教堂内的灵堂吧~
所以为了维持方便，不准带鲜花。orz
我带的怎么办呢？
只能叫朋友快点收下，然后出来的时候丢在垃圾桶了。
还有~ 朋友的骨灰坛根本还没弄好。
伯父大概是太忙了吧~
希望下次去已经弄好了~
看到没有名字，没有东西的骨灰坛还真的有点orz~
嘛~ 她应该在那儿吧~
所以还是说了点话，一下子就离开了~

下次去要带假花。 = =

淡淡的心疼

想問你最後的那一個小時心裏在想什麽，
想知道你有沒有後悔過，
想知道什麽讓你有勇氣面對死亡，
想知道你的生活是不是真的那麽辛苦，
想知道你究竟在想什麽。

我知道這一切已經不重要了，
但是
我還是會心疼，
我還是會想到就嘆氣。
說不重要，但是我卻還是會想，
我的潛意識讓我想要把事情理清。

在聼SHE的歌，歌詞說“慢慢心疼，沒有人知道我和從前不同。”
是否説明了你當時的心聲呢？
也許也說了我的心聲吧？
或許，是我在故作憂鬱吧。

to my dear friends

Been feeling very loved recently... this is dedicated to my darlings.

To Shuyan, who was there when i needed company, who have been so supportive all this while.
To Hua Zhen who's been texting me almost everyday just to wish me good luck and to jiayou.
To Xiang Yun who's been talking to me so much and tolerating my nonsense and mood swings.
To Xiuli who was there to hold my hands and accompany me when I was lonely and always there to pop a word of concern.
To Xiao Ting who is there in Ireland but yet never fails to send a short note to ask me how I am and was there to help me in one of the most difficult nights in my life.
To Melissa who always make me smile when I talk to her with all the jin, takuya and wuzun craze.
To Enwei who has been a total angel, so strong and supportive in a difficult time.
To Adeline who's been accompanying me in some of the most difficult journeys I made in my life.
To Vivien who have been sharing so much of my thoughts and helping me straighten out so much of my thoughts.
To Izumi who came to ask me how I was when I was in one of my most depressed moods.

Waking up everyday to feel loved and cared by all of you is such a wonderful feeling. You made my world beautiful. Thank you my dears.

雨

转眼就4个星期了，
还记得从你弟弟口中得到消息的那天中午，天下着雨。
接下来的好几天都是雨天。
也许是我想太多了，
但是每当看着雨点在窗外坠落，
我就觉得上天仿佛是在为了哀悼一个美丽的生命的流逝而流泪。

今天又下雨了~
4月的新加坡不是雨季，
这几天的天气也蛮热的，
但是在4个星期后的今天，
天又下雨了。

时间过得好快~
现在的我们都照常地过着我们的生活，
不久后，你是否就会被遗留在2007年的那个星期一呢？
很多人说你会永远在他们的心中，
人嘛~ 都害怕被遗忘~
但是你却不会被我们所遗忘。
这点，应该是你短暂的人生里，可以自豪的一部分吧？

听说你到了天堂，
在天主美丽的花园里，
没有功课的烦恼，没有未来的压力。
你以前的不快乐，是不是都已经不复存在了呢？
我们活着的人的心痛是不是都是多余的呢？
你现在是否已经找到了你的快乐呢？

你应该会看着这篇东西跟我大喊：
“中文我看不懂啦！”
呵呵~ 既然在天堂了，
你的中文也要进步点啊！
不然怎么配得上完美的天堂呢？

对了~ 顺便跟你说，jin回来了哦，
我知道你不是很喜欢kat-tun，
但是他能回来你应该也很惊讶吧？
你喜欢的uchi就不知道了~
但是看着jin~ 我们都要有希望，uchi会回来的。 ^^

还有~ 我去看了takuya的电影了~
一个人去看的~
想到电影就想到你，
你应该也会想看吧？
他很帅哦~
别再说我有七年之痒了哦，
因为虽然还是很喜欢吴吉尊~
takuya是不会被舍弃的！

现在在准备cell bio的考试~
看着就头疼~
希望会有时间看你借给我的lecture notes~
说真的有点不敢看呢~
怕看着你的笔记我又要胡思乱想了~
祝我好运吧！ 一定要顺利通过这次的考试~

好啦~ 考完再去看你~
我的朋友，要快乐哦！

我要学习长大

虽然永远做一个孩子，给人呵护很好，
虽然做个大人的责任很多，很大，
虽然长大要面对很多挫折和困难，
虽然长大要学习失败，要学习韧性，
虽然长大需要很多勇气，很多努力，
但是我不会逃避，因为我要做一个对自己，对身边的人负责的大人。
人总要学习长大，
我要保留一颗赤子之心，
但是却不要逃避成长。
努力吧！ ^^

First Exam of the Semester

Principles of Economics
Hmm... not too bad... The true terror starts next Friday.

Only comment: the econs department badly needs some coaching in the English language. I spent more then 30% of the 2 hrs trying to decipher the language of the paper. = = (pam peh at home gapped in horror at the language after seeing the paper) Having graduate students that actually SPEAK English helps too. Learning is greatly hindered when you can't understand what the tutor is trying to explain.

What's becoming of our tertiary education system when local students need to pass English on the AO level to enter the University but foreigners who enter the best courses can't even speak english? (DON'T tell me about how foreign students need to meet certain English requirements, I'm highly skeptical of the reliability of the evaluations.)

Regarding the last post

meli dear just feedback that the last post sounds as though someone is wooing me...
*faints*
definately not what you are thinking my dear~ yours truly does not have enough charm to make anyone woo me... *sweat*
as for what the post is about... hmm.... it's random yah? ^^
NOT someone wooing me... *faints*x1000
proves to say how lousy my chinese is. = =

顺其自然

有的东西没感觉就是没感觉
有的人不喜欢就是不喜欢

跟着自己的感觉走~
虽然理智告诉我不应该这样，
但是我的第六感一直都蛮准确的。
更何况，感觉就是这样，没办法改变！
强迫自己去适应还是接受会让我很累。
所以……就让我任性一次吧。

一个人看电影

今天一个人去看了“武士的一分”，
起初觉得自己去有点可怜~
没想到却因此能充分地体验了这部电影，
也给自己享受到了一个属于自己的下午。

某拓在电影里的表现很棒。
三村一开口的语气，论调就和我认识的木村拓哉不一样。
电影的剧情很简单，没有特别令人意外的故事。
节奏有点慢，但是轻松温馨。
正因为节奏慢的关系，才让我有时间好好地欣赏120分钟满满的三村新之丞。
这里不说剧情，单纯花痴某拓的演出。 = =
（但是还是有可能有雷，所以要看后果自负 = =）

说这个男人34岁，我打死也不相信。
大荧幕上的，明明就是个20多岁的年轻武士。
近镜头完全就是“完 美”两个字来形容。
瞎了眼的新之丞，整大着眼睛瞪着加代的时候，我是真的吓到了。
虽然知道他看不到，看到的双眼也真的毫无方向感，
但是那股怒气，那受伤的神情……
无一不牵动我的心弦。

某拓的剑道也真的不是盖的。
练过家子的人耍的剑就是不一样。
每一次挥刀都好有魄力，好神气。
虽然是个瞎武士挥的刀，
而且还是木刀，
我都为可怜的德平（新之丞的男仆）捏了一把冷汗。

还有……和服简直就是为了木村拓哉发明的嘛！！
那身形~ 包裹在长长的和服中~ 好修长，好漂亮~
日本水画里头的女人不是都有婀娜多姿的女生吗？
相信我，男生也能有那样的体格。
还有那脸庞~
新之丞那个三八的姑姑整部戏里唯一说对的，就是：
“虽然憔悴了，但是新之丞还是好帅！！”
消瘦的脸庞，眼袋大得像熊猫的他好令人心疼。
然后决斗时，专注的他，男人果然认真最帅气！
唉~ 说不好~~ 总之就是两个字：好 帅！！

看完电影的我一直在傻笑~
虽然没有很厉害的高潮起伏，
但是平平淡淡的电影，温馨而且舒服。
感觉……嗯~ 像一杯日本绿茶。
这几天心情很不好，本来还在担心看了戏心情会不会更糟糕。
但是看了之后真的感觉到了爱情的存在，感受到了温暖。

看完电影，我到外头的海报那里想帮海报拍照~
没想到一起看电影的几个男生比我前到了海报前，
一直看，一直欣赏。
我说~ 你们是怎样？
看着海报流口水的人，应该是我吧？？！！
去到另一家戏院外看海报，
海报前的又是一群男生！
唉~~ 某拓~~ 你这次可要增添好多名男生fans了~ = =

addicted to 小宇

熱情仲夏 - 小宇

你隨意一句話 我是上還是下 上去是天堂 下去會滿腳泥巴
大家看著我 等待我的回答 卡在半空中 這懸疑是怎樣
從來不會變化 受不了的自大 偶爾卻像吃錯藥 對我放電太可怕
我管你那麼多 卻又感覺什麼

誰塞一顆糖 在我嘴裏快融化 我會錯意了嗎 在熱情的仲夏
喔 你別告訴我 是個冷笑話 我就是停不住 這莫名的牽挂
只要你在我身邊 快樂心都裝不下 我想一個方法 在熱情的仲夏
喔 讓我面對你 不再覺得尷尬 我才不要單戀你 太不像我自己
但終究到最後 這煩惱還是 放不下

從來不會變化 受不了的自大 偶爾卻像吃錯藥 對我放電太可怕
我管你那麼多 卻又感覺什麼

誰塞一顆糖 在我嘴裏快融化 我會錯意了嗎 在熱情的仲夏
喔 你別告訴我 是個冷笑話 我就是停不住 這莫名的牽挂
只要你在我身邊 快樂心都裝不下 我想一個方法 在熱情的仲夏
喔 讓我面對你 不再覺得尷尬 我才不要單戀你 太不像我自己
但終究到最後 這煩惱還是 放不下

baidu song search

I hope 小宇 looks good... because I'm addicted to his voice.

当头棒喝

与其说是心情不好，不能集中精神，
不如说自己的生物学真的是烂到家了。 = =
一进考场，看过的东西，读过的东西都混到了一起……
p16, p27, p21, CDC, CAD, CAK……
天啊~~
看起来都一样！
生物学家们是怎样？
忙得连好好地为自己发现的东西匿名的时间都没有吗？

傍晚时交上去的考卷虽然有写东西，
但是实际上跟白卷差不多…… orz
不发奋图强不行了~~~ 啊啊啊啊啊啊~~~

心 静不下来

没办法专心。
眼中看着课本和讲义，潜意识里却一直在想课本以外的事情。
想知道在断气那一刻的感觉，
想知道面临死亡的那刻，人的脑子里会想什么。
会恐惧吗？ 会后悔吗？
会想到对自己重要的人们吗？
还是如电影般，在短短的时间里来个瞬间人生倒带？
还是一片空白，坦然面对呢？

我的心……静不下来。

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone

A bible story that spoke to me today:

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

He told me that all people sin and we should not accuse others because we too sin.
He told me that we should not condemn others for their sins, but at the same time, we should also not condone sins and say it is alright to sin.

I'm ok, don't worry

For those who got scared by my last entry, my sincere apologies.

I will want you all to know that I am fine and that I am learning to forgive.
Even if I can't forgive, I will not hate anymore.
Sorry for making all of you worried.
Just want you all to know that I am learning to cope and I will heal.
Thank you also for those who's been worried about me these days.

p/s: and if anyone is reading this blog in hope to search for some reasons as to why things happened and are interested in knowing what do I hate:
1) My hate is irrational.
And
2) I do not know any reasons.

Hate

Been drowning in hatred these two days. Even though logically I know I should not hate. It's in forgiveness that the world becomes a better place. Afterall, we don't bring hate into the coffin. It is the lack of forgiveness of some people that I hate. So I should not dwell in hate and should learn to forgive. Else it makes me no better than those.

风

她说她羡慕飞蛾，
羡慕它们能为了寻求那一霎那的快乐而献上自己的生命。
她说她不能赞同飞蛾的想法，
但是又羡慕他们能找到自己就算死也想要的东西。
最后，她选择追随飞蛾，
让自己燃烧，以寻求她想要的东西。
她如一只美丽的蝴蝶，随风飘逝了。
风带走了她，
也无情地如台风般横扫了我的世界。
我的世界仿佛忘记了如何旋转；
一切都停留在一个星期前的下午。

她生命的齿轮已经停摆，
但是我的却还无情地在转动。
风~ 请你也把我心中的痛，悔，和恨给带走吧。
请你让她的家人和她所爱的人们的心灵得到舒坦，
请你让他们在你温柔的安抚下得到慰藉。
让过去随风而去，让我学习原谅，学习体谅，学习珍惜。

She

She was such a lovely girl, a girl who was pretty on the outside and also on the inside.

She was a person with a mind of her own.
And rightfully so, because she was such a brilliant girl, it would be a pity not to use her good brains.

She knew what to do all the time; she knew what she was doing.
We always know that if we listen to her, we will never go too far wrong. She would have thought of all the things we probably will never think of and her decisions were always done after careful thought.

She was one with high expectations of herself. A person of her calibre should.
She sets goals for herself. And we all know, she can achieve them.
She had beautiful dreams of the future. She wanted to do medicine, she will marry her pilot boyfriend and the two of them will migrate to Australia. She was considering teaching too. Maybe not in university but in junior college.
She wasn't quite sure which road she wants to take, but I knew she will succeed regardless of which path she decides to take.

She liked people and she never hesitates to show her love for people.
She showers us with presents. She said she likes to shop for other people.
She gave me a pair of earrings on Valentines' Day.
She didn't say much about it; she simply passed them to me.
But I knew it was her way of showing friendship to me.
She was shy about showing her emotions, but I felt her love.

She loved us. She was always so protective of us, her friends.
She was our protector, against the lousy lecturers and also against the harm from other people. Just this semester, we have a lecturer who went overtime every lecture. However, she and I have another lecture (Econs) to catch after that. She S/Ued the Econs module (pass/fail option) and was not graded for it. But I was taking Econs too. And I am being graded for it. She stood up to the lecturer to ask him to end the lecture because the regulations indicated that all lectures should end 15 min before the next hour to allow us time to go for the lecture. It really didn’t matter to her that she missed the lecture. At that moment, I thought she was standing up against him because she wasn’t happy with how he was going over time. I think she probably did do it partly because of that. But I just found out that it appeared pretty obvious to the rest of the girls that she probably did it for me. She didn’t want me to endure in silence and have to stay back to attend a later lecture class in the evening.

She shares, always willing to teach and always willing to give.
She never asked for anything thing in return; she simply gave.
Some people are smart but they were selfish with their knowledge,
but she was so intelligent and yet so willing to help others who are not as good. We simply needed to ask and she will give more then what we expected.
The fact that she had made all the knowledge her own, her teaching was always very enlightening and very beneficial. Last semester, she offered her Biomechanics tutorial to me without me asking. She knew I didn’t manage to get down to doing them. So she photocopied her own and gave them to me. I referred to it so much over the course of preparing for the examination.

She’s always able to find the best things of people. She asked me how I kept my hair straight. She said hers always get a curl after sleeping on them. She was never stingy with her compliments. I keep my admirations to other people to myself.

She loved her family, she hopes her good looking brothers all grows up to be bishies (cute pretty boys). She was very proud of them because they are all so outstanding. She knew she was well-respected by them too.
She loved her mother and always wondered how she managed to keep so slim and pretty despite giving birth to 5 children. Her mother was her role model.
She respected her father and seeks advices from him. She treated him as her consultant and always looks for him for words of wisdom.

I always complained to her about things my sister did to me and also the things I did with my sister. She always listened with interest and commented about how she would love a sister herself: Someone to go shopping with, someone to doll-up with.

She was a very strong person, but there was a very girly side of her too. She loved soft-toys, especially those of the line NICI. She sleeps with them and she names them. They were her meh mehs (sheeps basically). She has a whole collection of them. It is incomprehensible to me. But it was very cute. She loved to hug and she loved to lean on my shoulders. She said it’s soft and comfy.

She loved heels. Platforms to be exact. She looked really good in heels, and her legs so white, the rest of us were actually secretly admiring them. She was pretty, had perfect skin. In addition to that, she knew how to dress up. She went to professionals for her hair and eyebrows. She couldn’t stand cheap earrings. She said they look common and cheap. She liked things with style and good quality.

She liked to shop at esprit. I like it too. She always offered her discount card and vouchers. I didn’t accept them because my mother has the card too. But the gesture was appreciated.

She liked Kenzo perfume. The stuff toys that we got for our friends going overseas had the smell of her perfume on them. But her perfume was not overpowering. It was just the right amount and very comfortable.

She loved to paint her toe nails. But she never paints her fingernails. She said the nail polish on the nails never lasted. She loved to use black nail polish on her toes. They stand out against her fair skin.

She liked to use “oha” as a greeting. It’s a short form for ohaiyou that means good morning or hello in Japanese. We loved her way of saying “omedetou” (Congratulations in Japanese). It sounded a little sarcastic, we used it pretty often, but she’s the only one who can give the perfect tone to it.

She had beautiful handwriting and is meticulously neat. She told me another friend was saying how our handwritings look alike. But both of us agreed that the only similarity was that our writing looks “artistic”.

She got 93 for the last maths test. The rest of us always hoped that we hav just 1/2 her brains. That will really help alot~ She was truly the best amongst us. Beauty and brains. She's definately not the "bimbo" she always jokingly claims she is. She knew she's good too.

She was always happy to hear me fangirl about my idols. When I started liking WuChun recently, she declared that it was a seven years itch. After liking Kimura Takuya for seven years, I start to look for a new boy. I argued that I still love Kimura Takuya. She believed me, but that didn’t quite stop her regarding the seven year itch thing.

I am a SMAP fan, she on the other hand, loved the kohais (the younger boys of Johnny’s Entertainment). She liked boys white and pretty. But they have to have their clothes on. Scrawny bodies pains her. She said it’s because her brothers have wonderful bodies, so she has high expectations.

She really liked the red prawn candy I brought during CNY. I gave her one during lecture one day, and she liked it. So I gave her what I had that day. I wanted to get her a packet after that. But I never found the sweet again… they don’t sell anymore after CNY. I had wanted to get her a pair of butterfly earrings too. I somehow never found the occasion to get her one pair. I wish I didn’t wait for a chance to get her anything.

She’s a person I admire. She was very outspoken. She’s the only one amongst us who can go up to the lecturers (or anyone in fact) and tell them in their faces that she feels what they’re doing is wrong. The rest of us will be afraid to tell a superior his mistakes in fear that the superior will do anything to put us down. But she was fearless, she knew that she was right and she’s confident enough to put her points across to them. Some times we wonder if the lecturers were scared of her. I wish I have her courage and her convictions.

She had decided to take her life in her own hands. She had decided to end it her own way. I don't understand it. But I know she must have thought over it. It is her decision. Much as it pains me, much as I wish I can talk her out of it, it is her decision. I will accept it and respect it.

She's gone, but our memories will last a long time. She was my company over the last few months of her life. She brought me alot of comfort and gave me alot of love. I love her too. I hope I can do more for her, there are so many things we wanted to do together, we wanted to go on holiday together, we were planning to stay in hostel together, and we wanted to do special term together. She was my comfort when I was lonely.

Dear, thank you for being such a lovely friend. I will remember you forever. I know you are in good hands now, enjoy yourself and we will all meet again soon.

31 March 2007
First written at 3:17PM
Last edited at 3 April 1:15PM

世界上唯一一朵花

人都是孤独的。
所以我们要坚强。
我们要学习如何自己去面对自己的问题。
不要以为永远都有别人能帮助你。
因为到了最后，只有你自己是你自己最好的依靠。
如果在你最需要帮忙的时候，
你身边没有人，
你要知道，他们的确没有义务帮助你，
虽然你会觉得孤独，
但是你要坚强，你要帮助你自己。
因为你真的太重要了。
人都是自私的。
把自己顾好吧~ 只有你能最珍惜你自己。

当然，我一直都觉得自顾自的的生活太冷淡了。
尽量照顾你身边的人。
因为不是每一个人都可以把自己顾好，
有的人需要更多的关怀和照顾。
当然，一切都应该是在你的能力范围内。
尽力吧~ 不要勉强自己，
但是如果可以，帮别人做点事情。
这样会让这个世界更美好，更快乐。

To my dear Friend

I Love You.

my daily coffee dose

This photo's taken during break at cell biology lecture today. I tend to take up alot of table space... 3 seats if i have the luxury (= =). So much space that my pencil box (that's on the left of the photo) and pen and pencil (that's on the right of the photo) don't fit into the camera's scope. (the seat at LT26 is really tight and there's not enough space to retreat to take a photo of the whole table space)

I think I'm addicted to coffee, the day does not start unless I have my daily coffee dose. Latte is top on the list (from any of the coffee outlets in NUS, ie: coffee club express or spinelli) of preferred coffee followed by McDonalds' coffee, then coffee at Dily's @ Engine, lastly coffee at the Pavillion at LT7A.

I am beginning to want good coffee. Unfortunately coffee that does not taste coffee make most of my days. Since good coffee is too much of a luxury to enjoy daily, I give myself a treat once in a long while just to make myself happy~ ^^

(in case you're wondering why I have a camera with me... I brought it to take photos of my samples (UROP expt samples))

芷宜

哲平今天为了好玩给我做了首诗哦！！



还附赠：
到巫山去种块牌子，写上：
巫山云里寻白芷
忘却此处不相宜 (PS.请别被巫山迷惑了，您要找的白芷在新加坡呢^^)

呵呵~ 解释是：
巫山云里是很浪漫幻想的地方
到那里去寻找那么美的香草
找不到
不如到人间去找
新加坡就有一只

很有趣的游戏~ 但是还真的只有文字造诣过人的人才能玩的高等游戏呢~ 我看看就好~ 哈哈~~
谢谢了哲平！ ^^

完美男人

每个女生应该都有幻想过自己希望的伴侣的样子，性格，能力等等吧？
你的完美男人是怎样的呢？

我呢……很肤浅的~
样子要好看~ 不需要祸国殃民~ 但是要看得顺眼。
脑子要比我好~ 而且不可以嫌我笨。必要的时候还要懂得装笨，这样才不会伤我无聊的自尊心。
家里呢~ 小康或以上，不要一大堆债务就好 = =
不需要超级大户~ 因为我这种没有气质的人不适合做少奶奶。
与其有个富裕的家族，我宁愿他是有能力，有抱负的男生。
但是不要整天想着一步登天，脚踏实地就好。
如果没办法赚钱就要是个顾家的小男人~ 我可以养他 （我骨子里是个大女人 = = ）
但是我不会做的家务事全部由他负责。
必须是个好人，有好的价值观和自己的想法，独立，自主，有自信但是却不嚣张。
思想不要太古板，也要接受我时不时地精神出轨和永远爱着我的偶像的事实。
最重要的…… 还是我喜欢。

好了~ 白日梦发完了~ 现在说明星梦~ orz
我说……吴吉尊（吴尊），你会不会太完美了？
1）家里有钱，自己又是健身院的老板
2）脑子不错，虽然看起来傻傻的，却让人有大智若愚的感觉
3）长相一级棒，完全没办法挑剔……啊有！ 你怎么都没毛细孔的？还有27岁的人怎么看起来跟我一样大？
4）在澳洲的时候去烹饪学校上过课，厨艺No. 1，而且还说会帮女朋友洗碗
5）做事超级认真，到台湾在2年内把国语练起来不说，为了开健身院还去考国际执照~ 他在汶莱的gym规模也真的很棒
6）完全好像没有脾气，对fans对记者都超级nice，也从来没有听人家说过他一句坏话

为什么那么完美的男人27岁只交过一个女朋友呢？你知道多少女生想嫁到汶莱去当Mrs. Goh吗？ 汗……最起码香港机场那4000位fans一半以上是这样的…… = =

My Personality DNA

WOW~~
I dunno about what you think... but I think that's me...



You are a Designer

As a DESIGNER, you are receptive to ideas and experiences, and enjoy the beautiful things in life, yet you are also grounded and realistic about yourself and the world.

You have a quiet appreciation for beauty in all its forms – in nature, in people, and in human creations from architecture to movies.

Instead of only focusing on functionality, you try to incorporate your good sense of style and taste into your choices.

At times you feel unsure of yourself, especially when confronted by other people.

You aren't the kind of person who insists on having things your way all the time – you are willing to go along with other people's opinions, even if you disagree.

Others may not know this about you, but you are very interested in new ideas, thoughts, expressions, and experiences. You enjoy learning and trying new things.

Although you are practical, you are anything but boring – you have depths to you that others cannot see.

The idea of doing the same thing every day for the rest of your life scares you – you need more excitement and challenge than that!

You have a remarkable eye for detail and precision, noticing things that others miss.

You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.

You are balanced in your approach to problem-solving, not letting your emotions hold you up.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

You are Reserved

You are RESERVED – you aren't someone who always needs to have others around, and you find you can handle most situations on your own.

You can be very happy spending time alone, and enjoy your own thoughts and ideas.

You find it difficult to understand why some people get so emotional and tell everyone else their problems.

You believe that if you want to get something done, it is best to do it yourself.

In your experience, other people are not always completely dependable, so you generally rely on yourself and only a few close others.

Despite your independence, you are not a closed-minded person who makes hasty judgments about others. You know that it isn't always easy to walk in other people's shoes.

At times other people's feelings are puzzling to you, and you wish that people were more rational.

Your vision of the world is complex – your values are not set in stone. Instead, you are able to change your beliefs as you learn new information.

You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.

You are balanced in your approach to problem-solving, not letting your emotions hold you up.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

Rumors and Gossips

I'm actually quite scared of rumors and gossips... because I was scolded once by a coworker when I was working after the A levels. It was not intended to harm, just purely for fun, but what seems like harmless chatter on my part may be harmful to the people involved.

I swear I'm not someone who finds pleasure in looking for the newest gossips and rumor... in fact I was unaware of alot of what had went on in my secondary school during my school days until years after graduating when my friends from another class tells me about them. But somehow rumors and gossips just find their way to me. Either for clarification or just "fyi".

Then being the very stupid person I am... I may just tell other pple without realising that I have already became part of the gossip chain. After what happened with the coworker... I try to shut my mouth. It's so easy to talk about other people's business when it doesn't concern you. But I guess I will not want people to talk about me without me knowing either. So I should not talk about people. It's about karma you know... haha

Let's say... I believe that if there's something that my friends will want me to know... they will tell me themselves. If they want you to know, they will let you know themselves too. I'm not interested in telling other people about my friends' business... so please don't ask me... I dun have very sealed lips, so please dun make me slip my mouth. (= =)

This makes me remember how xiangyun always say I don't know how to lie. (= =)

Why I don't watch Singaporean TV

I've never figured out why my channels are always tuned to SCV channel 49, 52, 54 and 56... I mean... pple overseas ARE watching Singaporean TV! (yes, I'm serious)
Then, because of Hana Kimi showing on channel U recently, I started tuning to the long forgone channel 09 on my SCV set. Now... I think I know why I don't watch Singaporean channels.

Hello, censorship board, are you too free? Too much time? Not enough R21 films to censor? (oh yah... you don't need to censor R21 since it's 21?)

THEY CENSORED almost EVERY GAY MENTION in the show!
They censored why Ruixi managed to get Dr. MeiTian to write her a medical letter to not take swimming lessons (because Dr. MeiTian is gay and gay=can help her write fake MC according to Ruixi's logic).
They censored how Ruixi tried to ask Dr. MeiTian for a dress to wear when she meets her brother (Dr. MeiTian should have a dress because gay=have cosplay addiction according to RuiXi's logic).

I wonder how are they gonna show the part when Xiuyi declares that he's gay. (= =)

I mean.. hey~ it's harmless joke! Why take it so seriously? And do you really think Singapore viewers can't take it? Turn on your computer and ANY kid has access to a million PORN and GAY sites on the net. Talk about bar-top dancing and being an open society... obviously some factions of our society still have their minds set in the 1980s.

good food, great company

met up with xiangyun, deborah and minghao yesterday afternoon (since it's past midnight now) before xiangyun and ming leaves for china. think we kinda spent too much time talking at the place... = = kinda felt that the waitresses etc were waiting for us to leave... but hey~ it's a saturday afternoon and there was seriously not alot of pple in the shop!

but oh well... the point is... I LOVE their pasta!!! (xiangyun suggested taking these photos, and since it reminds me of Mr. Goh Kiat Chun, aka WuChun, I don't mind even though it is a little dumb~~ :P ) The photos were taken with xiangyun's camera~ ^^

I had some kind of a mix fry seafood curry pasta that has calamari, a large slice of dory fish and 2 prawns:


















xiangyun had the cafe's signature slipper lobster pasta:


















and since it's xiangyun's birthday today, this is from bakerzin!!!

















HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY XIANGYUN!!!! love ya!!! ^^

A meaningful quote to share

Read this from a blog (supposedly by wuchun, still determining it's authenticity). Thought it's very meaningful and will like to share it with all of you:

每个人都有潜在的能量，只是很容易:被习惯所掩盖，被时间所迷离,被惰性所消磨。

Has your energy been left somewhere? Recover it.

p/s: this is quoted from a sina blog, wuchun's official blog is on wretch. Those interested can visit at: http://www.wretch.cc/blog/wuchun10cool He blogs in both English and Chinese. ^^

世事无常

Got news that a friend of mine met a serious accident in the US...

my dears, please take care of yourselves no matter where you are ok? Drink lotsa water, sleep enough, keep fit, and be careful when travelling. I have a faint heart, pls dun let me worry about you peeps too much. 你们都要好好的啊！

新年快乐！

多1个小时就要迎接猪年的到来了~
新的一年里希望大家事事顺利，笑口常开，心想事成！！
（不好意思，我的祝福就是那几句……每年都一样 = =）

说到新年，新年对大家的意义是什么呢？
小时候，新年对我来说是新衣服，好吃的食物，和红包。
后来觉得新年是和家人团圆的时候，能见到长辈们等等~

现在呢……其实觉得新年和平时没什么不一样。
怎么说呢？
如果说新年是团圆的日子，是互相问候，照应的日子，
那我觉得天天应该是新年。为什么到了新年才要事事顺利，财元广进，笑口常开呢？
为什么到了新年家人才会互相问候和见面呢？
这些应该是平时就该做的吧？
也许因为大家平时都很忙吧，
所以春节期间是大家能够空闲下来，见面的日子。
这是我给自己的借口。
但是说真的……
还是希望这样的关怀和问候不是一年一次，而是无时无刻。

Be my Valentine~

To my dearest family and friends,

In this season of love, I just wanna say that I love all of you very very much.
Happy Valentine's Day. ^^

With Love~

闹别扭

刚刚和妈妈闹了点别扭。
最近总是觉得心情闷闷的，不想和人相处。
总觉得大家都在忙自己的事情，
总是把自己的事情放在最上位。
觉得我的感想，我的感受被忽略了。
说不上哪里闷，就是无名的发闷气，
希望能有人发自内心的问我“你最近好吗？”。

相反的

可是相對的……
因爲不想把關係搞疆，因爲考慮到那些人以後可能會對我有幫助，
而安靜地忍受被佔便宜而不吭聲的我……
也很狡猾吧？

佔便宜

我一直都認爲人是有惰性的~
基本上我是個懶惰的人，
能花少一點力氣，少一點精神，少一點腦子的事情我都喜歡~
太複雜的事情我不喜歡想太多，因爲所付出的遠遠地比所得到的多。
可是我自認我不喜歡佔人便宜。
雖然我覺得人應該互相利用（ok……説好聼一點叫“互相幫助”），
但是我是那種寧願自己吃一點虧也不願意去佔便宜的人。
相對的，我也會希望別人能這樣對我。
我人是比較單純，比較沒心機，但是我不喜歡人家擺明的佔我便宜。
這樣的行爲很醜陋。

me

I think I behave like I am still in secondary school in front of my secondary school friends.

I dunno if it's a bad thing or good thing, but I can say that I definately behave differently with them. Let's say... honestly, I feel most comfortable with them. Ale can be the crazy, sometimes very serious Ale I always am. I tend to be more frank with them too. Sometimes to the extend of hurting them? So... thanks dears for taking my words well all the time, and for seeing the things and the real intentions behind my words. I will definately not speak to harm you girls. Also, thanks for being frank with me all the time too. It's rare in life to find pple who speaks for your best interest, and I'm glad I've found you girls. ^^

I behave differently with different groups of friends too. Some things can be said with this group, some things can't. Some things will not be understood even if I said them. Over the years, have I developed a self-filtering system to make me tell certain people certain things? Maybe that's how geminis function? Adaptation? haha~ let's say it's Survival of the Fittest. Hey! I'm a BIOengineer yah? = =#

CHUN!!!

ok... I may not be coherent.... so... I was walking along orchard road after a monday night date with my girlfriends (ber's treating) after saying good bye to ber and hua (they turned to walk towards orchard mrt). yiling and shu and i decided to take a long walk and walk from swensens to dhoby ghaut... then i heard a voice from behind "wu zun's behind you". It was BER!!! walking at double normal speed towards us from the back. I turned back and saw a SUPER pretty boy in blue strip shirt and jeans walking in my direction, less than 2 meters away from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Beside him, a petite girl in green, maybe his manager.

So, wuzun was totally open about it, without any baseball cap or sun glasses (ok... no sane person will wear sun glasses at 9.55pm along orchard road yah?). AND so~~ yours truly managed to STARE at him for few seconds and then i see myself following his footsteps... (we did a semi, 10 meters trail lar)...

wuzun walked into HMV and we we seriously contemplating if we shld go in to like... get a photo or autograph or something...
seriously, i just wanna see him a little more... he's SO pretty!!!!!!
so we walked him and he came out! ok... walking in our direction to get onto the escalator. They quickly ascended upwards and that's the last time we saw his trained back.

so... what's about him.... ok... really pretty features, very fair (according to our eyesight under the orange street lamps of orcgard road), very good skin, like girl!! (ber's comments: i will really think he's gay boy if i didn't know he's wuzun). Not especially tall.,.. prolly 175-180? the girl beside him is really petite, so it's not easy to gudge his height, but he has long body lar... (prolly due to the shirt he's wearing - normal blue strip collar shirt tugged out)...

shu and i were like 2 crazy women trying to pretend to be sane... ber and yiling was like... you two shld go get autograph, but we decided agst it because it is afterall his free time and he probably was rushing to buy some thing (CDs?) being at orchard road at 9.55pm. but you have 2 contented girls tonight who saw a really pretty boy~~~ *drools*

was intending to go see him and the rest of ferenheit at IMM yest, then decided agst it, then i forgone today's fan meeting at tampines mall to meet up with the girls~~~ ah~~~ rewards for being loyal to friends yah? so the WHOLE GROUP saw him, from a dist of 2 meters!!!!!!!!!! (hua was like... being pulled along by ber because she has no idea who's wuzun... ^^;;)

okok... need to get this writen down before i forget~~ happy day seeing wuzun, good jap food from suki ramen, and ice-cream treat from ber at swensens (earthquake). ^^v

p/s: wuzun has VERY sharp nose!!! PRETTY!!!!

=================

update: shu said that wuzun didn't change from his promotions at tampines mall. It's a blue flowery shirt. ^^;; look at this u channel page for the shirt (the bottom of the page)
http://u.mediacorptv.com/story.aspx?Editorial_ID=497&SubCategoryID=19

The Brain

The brain is an amazingly lazy creature.. you need to keep pushing it to work or it will simply slack off and degenerate. Just like mine... (ToT)

Opportunity Cost and Perfectly Competitive Markets

Economics tells us that "there is no such thing as a free lunch"; for everything you get, there is a relative "opportunity cost" that is measured by the next best alternative forgone for making this choice.

Application:
The opportunity cost of watching one hour of takuya's new drama = watching one hour of SMAPXSMAP. (^^)v~~

A Perfectly Competitive Market is one with a large number of firms, each of which produces the same standardize product in amounts so small that no individual firm can affect the market price.

Application:
The human market is a perfectly competitive market because the death of one person does not affect the rest of the world, life goes on for all the best.

I have warped theories and pam peh is here screaming that my understanding is seriously mistaken too because i fail to consider "bearers of entry" and "perfect knowledge".

hey~ WHO CARES? you think you can sell human lives? Or can you measure human lives in monetary terms? take it easy girl, just your dear sister going off the hook again ok?

千の風になって

A Thousand Winds　(author unknown)
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

英文詩原作／佚名 英譯中／沙永玲。
請不要佇立在我墳前哭泣，
我不在那裡，我沒有長眠。

化為千風，
我是閃耀在皚皚白雪上的鑽石，
我是映照在成熟穀物上的陽光，
我是溫柔的秋雨。

當你在清晨醒來，
我是悄聲拍翅疾飛的鳥群，繞著你遨翔。
我是在夜裡發光的星星。

請不要佇立在我墳前哭泣，
我不在那裡，我沒有死。

日本語詩：
千の風になって 　
譯者：新井満（あらいまん）

千の風になって
私のお墓の前で 泣かないでください
そこに私はいません　眠ってなんかいません

千の風に 千の風になって
あの大きな空を 吹きわたっています
秋には光になって　畑にふりそそぐ
冬はダイヤのように　きらめく雪になる

朝は鳥になって　あなたを目覚めさせる
夜は星になって　あなたを見守る

私のお墓の前で　泣かないでください
そこに私はいません　死んでなんかいません

千の風に 千の風になって
あの大きな空を 吹きわたっています

千の風に 千の風になって
あの大きな空を 吹きわたっています
あの大きな空を 吹きわたっています


以下為拓哉的感想：
聽到這麼美的歌，心境也隨之起伏，
心靈雖然會得到撫慰，但悲傷的事實畢竟還是一個事實，
這讓我重新體會到，我們必須去面對不可以逃避現實。

轉自：海賊團的一分，感謝ckhwa san和Sunny014 san！

How tiring is life?

Just watched Takuya's new drama, Teppei's such a tired man...
He has to deal with:
1) a father who deliberately tries to ignore him because he thinks that Teppei's the son of his grandfather
2) a mistress of his father... who tries all the time to speak against him
3) trying to protect a mother who gets neglected by her husband and demeaned by her husband's mistress
4) trying to be a loving husband and father to his own family when he actually loved another woman before his marriage with his wife (the marriage is an arranged marriage)
5) trying to bring up the steel industry in japan because he believes that steel is the future for japan, but have constrains in terms of finances
6) trying to protect his youngest sister who is being forced to get into an arranged marriage
7) being a futuristic revolutionalist in ideas but stuck in the old and conservative thinking of the japanese society

the list goes on... Teppei leads such a tiring life! and the sad thing is... the people around him leads equally tiring and complicated lives... *faints*
They say we can find ourselves in the characters of the show... I agree, it's really impactful... but very tiring to watch... the tired characters, the CHEEM japanese, the tense and heavy mood... but nevertheless, a very worthy drama that I've not seen in a long time. Karei Naru Ichizoku, I look forward to the drama's continual good ratings. ^^

Takuya's Town

This is a replica of a passage I wrote on Takuya's Town.

我是在2004年头加入TT的，一晃也在这里呆了3年了，当时一事兴起，便毛遂自荐，当起了TT English Corner的斑竹。站长哲平人不错，也给了我很多鼓励。我便在TT那个小角落当了一个小小的斑竹，做点英语教学，和大家打打屁，聊聊天。对网站没什么贡献，只是把那里当成一个自己在网络上的家，可以驻足，有很多好朋友和我一起玩。

真正参加TT版务……应该是有一次maru san请斑竹们去msn上聊天吧？ 现在我也忘了我们当时谈了什么，就商量了一些东西啦……但是那是就觉得TT其他的斑竹们人都很好，也许因为他们跟我一样，都少根筋吧？ 哈哈都是年轻人，说话很直，但是也很爽快。真正和maru（昵称：爱慕）熟悉，是开始做ENGINE字幕版的时候，因为当时雨宫工作忙，所以请我接手了翻译组3个月，当时便和爱慕有了很多交流。因为翻译组的关系，也让我认识了很多位好朋友，oldpams，Kirakira，wing，lyn，bandit，swallow，凉子…… 有的到现在还有联系，有的已经没有联络了。但是当时，真的和他们度过了很愉快地日子。

最多接触的还是爱慕……这个现在已经不知道去了那里的好朋友。 常常和爱慕一起在网上一边做翻译一边聊天，骂哲平。 *汗* 本来只是谈论版上的职务，渐渐地也聊起了私事，成了真正的朋友。后来爱慕因为身体不适，也在版务上和哲平出现了一些纷争，结果就不再出现在版上和msn上了。不管她现在在哪里，希望她一些安好，开心就好。

另一位因为TT而结识的好朋友是vivienvtakuya，这位在TT很“啊萨力”的旧斑竹。起初在版上看到vivien的时候，觉得她好可怕…… ^^;;因为vivien很严厉，尤其对转载的人们，完全不留情面，骂！后来渐渐了解了TT的版务才了解转载对她们这些提供下载的朋友有很大的影响。当自己用自己的钱买来给大家下载的空间在一夜之间出现超过预计流量20倍的流量时，没有人会不生气吧？私下和vivien认识后才发现vivien除了是个很有能力的斑竹外，人很爽朗，很直接，是一个非常值得交的朋友。vivien和我度过了TT一段相当辛苦的日子。为什么辛苦，允许我不多说，但是只能说……除了maru，没有vivien，TT可能早已经不在了吧？

还有就是雨宫。和雨宫有交际，应该是在她邀我加入字幕组的时候吧？ 这个木村拓哉词典对某拓的了解不是常人的程度~ 因为雨宫的关系，我发现我渐渐越来越喜欢某拓了！ 哈哈~~~ 雨宫很有才气，除了日文好，连制片，作图等等都很了，最重要的，应该是她很愿意花时间去学习很多东西吧？ 这点我就惭愧了，因为我通常对事情都是只有3分钟热度……

木村拓哉真的很了不起……因为他的fans年龄分布真的很广。因为某拓的关系，我认识了好多位既是朋友，更是我的老师的姐姐们。pamsy姐姐，mei姐，华姐，birgit姐姐，水心姐姐，77姐姐…… 谢谢你们这么照顾和疼爱我这个小妹妹，因为有了你们，我总是觉得我在网络上好幸福哦~！尤其是pamsy姐姐，因为姐姐是新加坡人，姐姐成了我人生的顾问，因为我常常能从姐姐那里得到很好的建议和鼓励，姐姐也非常照顾我，还请我吃饭！^^;; 谢谢姐姐！

说了这么多……好像忘记了TT一个非常重要的人……哲平老大。说真的……非常感谢哲平开设了TT，和其他论坛不同，我总觉得TT好温暖，因为哲平的Takuya's Town，我认识了好多位不止和我同样喜欢木村，更是能交心的好朋友。虽然曾经有短时间和哲平闹得很不愉快，更从此辞掉了TT斑竹的工作，但是其实哲平是个很不错的朋友。至于站主呢，这个就见仁见智了，但是，开辟TT这一点，就是一个很了不起的事情了。

当然，从2004年开始TT最不可缺少的，应该是女神kawasima san吧？ 这位慈祥，和善，有着超强毅力的妈妈~ kawasima san一直是TT最大的支柱，她很少开口，更从来不抱怨，就默默地支持TT。刚开始我真的很难理解为什么不是木村fan的kawasima san会原意帮TT上传sxs，还有一大堆某拓和smap的节目。现在我明白……kawasima san应该就单纯地希望TT的大家开心吧？ 当然，大家的回帖和讨论便是她最大的原动力。很可惜，好像很多人都没有意识到这点……是因为kawasima san一直都在，所以大家才容易把她遗忘吗？ kawasima san的毅力一直是我在当斑竹时的动力。kawasima san~ 谢谢你！！！ *抱*

明天开始就要到一个新的地方了，应该说是重新开始吧？ 但是对这个旧地方，我会一直记得的，衷心地谢谢TT给了我好美丽的回忆，陪伴我度过了3年的岁月，让我遇到了好多位一辈子的朋友。衷心祝福TT，同时也盼望和大家的缘分还能继续。共勉之。

Ale
2007年1月13日
Takuya's Town

Donors please?

This is a painful cry from poor students of a school located on a small mountain in a small island to donate funds to their school. The poor students who pay 6000 odd dollars per year of school fees are studying in a classroom that is approximately 30 years old. The seats and tables in the classroom are "squeaking" out loud for help after seeing batches and batches of students who eventually graduated to contribute to the small island's economy. The seats and tables, when interviewed by a concerned student, expressed that in their close-to-break-point (known in engineering as 'yield point') states, they should be allowed to retire in glory and let new young lads take over their prestigious duty of serving future batches of young minds.

With increased emphasis on health and welfare in the society, experts in biomechanics and human posture are called in to examine the facilities of the school. The analysis results called for better positioned tables to be used in the classroom. The students in the school were reported to can't even sit up right to attend lectures because the tables are so low that they have to BEND forward to write on the table. Experts warn that prolonged usage of such facilities will result in long-term backaches and stiff necks. This is a design flaw of the facilities that turned up because the population on the island had grown 30cm in average height over the past 50 years. When the facilities were first set up, they were reported to have suited the students perfectly.

The poor students are also told that they will not be doing experiments in their school because the school does not have enough funds to give them the global standard education claimed in their promotion gimick. Some of the student who went to a local research institution to work, found out that students from other education systems have used all the equipments, that the poor students saw only for the first time in their lives, in THEIR own schools.

This is also an appeal for the potential donors to specify where they will like their money be spent on upon donating. This is to avoid money being spent on better looking fountains and more established glass buildings that students are not allowed to stay for prolonged periods of time. (You finish your business in the building and get out.)

disclaimer: The above passage is entirely fictional and should be read for your reading pleasure only. Should any of the mentioned persons or occurances relate to any persons, alive or dead, and occurances, it is purely conincidental.

有点不舍

嗯~ 这几天会有变化，一个陪了我快3年岁月的地方……
到时候才能细说，但是，随着日子越来越靠近，不舍的心情越来越多。
虽然已经只是个空壳了，但是人……是可以靠美好回忆活很久的动物吧？唉，我原来没有自己想象中的冷血嘛……还蛮感性的…… = =

New Year Resolution

Hmm... actually the purpose of this blog entry is to put the following down to remind myself... something Takuya said before that I think is really meaningful: 不论做什麽都好，是怎样的表情也好，只要那是你的style。但是，只有一点…… 不要对别人造成困扰。自己痛苦就好。

ok... since I titled this entry new year resolution, I shall attempt to plan my life for this year. something I have never every did before actually... = =

1) Pull my CAP up to 4.0 and above
2) Finish my UROP
3) Start being responsible for myself, I'm 22 this year
4) Treasure the people around me more and show them that I care
5) Find out what I want to do when I graduate
6) Do JLTP Level 1 by Dec
7) Start behaving like the elder daughter of the family
8) Get a life outside of school
9) Stop wasting money
10) Stop sleeping at 5am and start sleeping before 2am to allow my body to repair itself

All I can think of for the moment... have this urge to write down things like "go to Japan and see Takuya in person" but I know it probably can't be achieved this year... it's ok... that's a life long resolution. ^^