Thanks girls!!! ^^ *hugz*

first day of work today... BORING~

sorry, but there's really nothing much... sat down at my desk ALL DAY typing! since the internet connection at my table is not fixed till 4pm... the info from the net that I got (in printed form) cannot be cut and pasted into the report... and since I have really nothing much to do... (despite all the research work to do... without the net, I can't do ANYTHING!) I TYPED them out... madness I know... can you imagine how positively bored I am? I know for SURE that I dun wanna do an office job in the future... ( the only thing that comes out good of this thing...) I'll be bored to DEATH! I wanna walk about! Do something different! sigh... I really carn stand string at the com ALL DAY... By the time it's five... ( I work from 9 to 6/7) my eyes are blurry and I carn see properly anymore thanks to the darn computer screen... started looking at the scenery outside of the window every once in a while HOPING to find some greenery amongst the grey city and even started doing the eye exercise that they taught us in school to rest my eyes a little... and since it's my aunt's company... I decided that it's not very nice to use the com for any non-work related activities... especially when the net came on... you know how tempted I am??!! sigh... I shall be NICE and GUAI...

bleah............. you can see that I'm complaining my head off and being a total spoiled brat here... why? cause I carn really bring myself to complain too much to my mum (and I need to let it out...) in case she starts asking my aunt to give me lighter jobs and stuff... I can imagine myself thinking if MY boss' relatives works in the company... I dun want any special treatment... (though I got the job because I'm her neice...) I was feeling SO embarrassed when my aunt paid for my lunch and all!! IN FRONT OF HER COLLEAGUES!! bleah... but yet I can't tell her that I wanna eat ALONE right? argh... I'm an anti-social person who like to be ALONE. THANK YOU.

whatever... this experience better be useful in the future... 'cause I'm probably gonna give up going for the accounts translator interview since I can't pull out a weekday to go for interview... (and the translator job is gonna be better paid lorz! it's translating Jap to english! you need specialist to do that...) AND.. I've not touched on my SATs yet!! DIE... I do wanna get more than 1420 this time!! (the average entry point for medicine in singapore) okok... sick of the com (can you believe it??!)... my uncle (who's working for my aunt) said that he has more hands-on job for me after this DARN report... it better be... or I'M QUITTING (I mean it!! ok, I dun wanna give up just yet)... I'll rather do voluntary work at the hospital or something...

people, I'm gonna blab... dun bother... i just need to let it out.

this is IT. argh!!!!!! been spending the last couple of hours trying to get an idea of how to go about doing the darn report that i'm supposed to do for my new job... (btw, I'm working in my aunt's advertising company)... was supposed to do research and write a report on investing in China... had to look up all the legislation, the various authorities, potential client. the advertising climate of the area... blah blah blah... and... IT'S GIVING ME THE BIGGEST HEADACHE EVER!!

in the first place, my brain has shut down since the last paper (or maybe even before that)... and then, I know NUTS about econs and finance and law and whatever shit!!

starting work officially tomorrow... and I'm not looking forward to it. WHY? I'm a brat ok? argh... dun really wanna work for my aunt in the first place because i dun like relations... dun like to be known about as the boss's neice, that RJC girl (as they intro'd me... argh!) I'm really stupid for god's sake!

and... thought I'm doing something like purchase (shopping!) and simple office work that doesn't need my brain... and now? it's beyond my abilities!~ I'm not making much sense in case anyone of you are wondering... I'm just blabbing... dun bother...

at least one thing I know for sure... I dun wanna do econs EVER! what crap!!! why is there so many licences and permits to get? and who cares where you set-up your office as long as there is one? and what about the kind of company you are? restricted, permited, encouraged, prohibited... why so troublesome??? it's a company! that's it!!!! ARGH. and 800 bucks a month is NOT worth the effort!!!!!!!

ok, time to go to bed... the thing is seriously giving me the biggest headanhe in history... just looking at it give me a headache... literally!
gonna give myself some 'Takuya tonic' and bathe and GO TO BED. the headache can continue tomorrow... bleah.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!
wanna type more.... but i'm dead tired.. so, that's all for my christmas greetings for the time being!

Argh... this is driving me crazy... ok, people... I need to tell you that I've moved house, so, DO NOT SENT YOUR CARDS (or hate letters that is...) TO SIMON PLACE!! sms me or email me if you need the new address yarz? knowing that a few of my classmates and friends have sent cards to the old address, I tried getting my dad to call up the new owner of my old house to ask if it's possible for me to go and collect all our letters... (we've asked for a direct transfer of our letters to our new address from the post office for the first three months only) and guess what that person said??? The old woman of the family told the postman to take the letters back as there's no such people (my family) living at the place already!!!! so... if you had written a return address... you'll probably get the letters back, if not... I have absolutely no idea where to find the letters.
this is drivng me MAD!! and for those who have already sent your letters without a return address... I'll TRY to track the letters down tomorrow by calling up the post office... but it's gonna be tough... SORRY!!!! (>-<)
argh!!!!!!! trying to control my temper here... !@#$%^&*

Clare... LOVE YA!!!!!!!!! haha... really. (^-^) Thanks for always being there for me dear...
people... guess i'm losing touch of my life already... having too much time in hands is a bad thing manz... really... thinking about so many things! MANY crazy things... trying to know myself better, finding the meaning of life.. looking for my direction in life... whatever. and guess what?! I'm totally not progressive! I need to start doing something...

first of all... I need to go apply to take my highway code and learn to drive...
then, I want to re-take my SAT 1 for a third time... if i want to do medicine... i better take it again...
then... read more books... not only novels... but self-help books. anything
... learn how to cook? if i want to live alone overseas... i better know how to cook more than microwave food
GET A JOB. MUST start reading the recruit section liaoz
learn a new language? spanish? italian?
and... much as i hate to do this... decide if i want to take medicine before the end of the month... (I need to reply to Glasgow before jan.)
ok, that's ALOT to do in 6 months... GANBARE!!!

I conclude... my life's in a MESS... I need some direction manz! anything!!

haha gan... i like the older background better too.... I'm a blue person... but hey! it's Christmas!! still in the christmas mood after Love Actually.....

note: absolute ramblings ahead... dun bother to read it.

just watched "Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring" on HBO... I totally understand why people can't read past the book... but the movie's GOOD. yes... it is... honour. faith, bravery, love.... things that carn really be explained by words but should be felt by the heart... or am I simply bad at words and just using this as an excuse? I yearn for the advanture like the Lord of the Rings... to have something to honour and to have something I will be willing to die for... DREAMS... something that I have not thought of for some time now I guess... practically and realism has taken it's toll and I am blinded in my quest for material goods...
What IS my dream? will I have the faith to carry through it? what if it means a life in hunger... where i cannot enjoy trips to Japan to savour it's food and look at Takuya ( and the sakura flowers), will I be willing to throw away all I have in pursue of this dream? realise that it's probably not very related to LOTR... but whatever...
I want to die not being forgotten... is that too much to ask for? ... selfish desire that is... haha
wanna make a difference to the people around me... people who know me, dun know me... wanna have a personal touch in the lives of these people... but WHAT do i want in life exactly? argh!!
wanted to be a doctor so that someday I can go to some ulu places on this planet and be a doctor... care for them and make a difference to their quality of life... tall tales, will I be able to carry through it? I dare not say...
somehow realised over the years that i don't have to go to cambodia or vietnam to make a difference... but if you want me to be a doctor and work in a hospital all my life... i dunno... not that the patients shouldn't be saved, not that their lives dun need improvement, but the job can be done by so many other people... they don't really need me.
BUT, do I want to do it?? do i want to use an entire life saving lives? making a difference to the lives of others...
fine, I think too highly of myself... even if I die tomorrow, it will not make a difference to the world... whatever... and for goodness sake! I'm no noble soul! I will not be able to give without wanting something in return... much as I am working toward that... yes... at least a 'thank you' will be nice... sigh... i dun know what I've driving at... forget it.
maybe i should think about what I want... what will give me satisfaction in life? meeting Takuya!! argh!!!!! I guess my life just wants some advanture. people... give me some suggestions... if you read this far, why not leave a message... should I do medicine? or should I take up biomed engineering... or something else? I desperately need help here...

hehe Clare.... i know i'm insane. ^^ guess fear is part and parcel of life.. hmm...
people... 'Love Actually' is GOOD. REALLY good... apart from getting me into a Christmas mood... it's really one of the best movies I've watched these years! It's so...... full of love!! Like what Hugh Grant said at the beginning of the movie... Love Actually is Everywhere!!!!!! ok, shall nto spoil it for those who has yet to watch it.... but it's GOOD. Really GOOD. and boy do I love the british accent and Hugh Grant's as charming as ever... and there's this guy who Keira Knightley has a crush on in the movie is SO cute!! Shuyan and my sis's gushing all over him... but i personally think Hugh Grant's better... (beginning to think that I have a thing for elder guys.... like how Johnny Depp is better than Orlando Bloom... )

Blowing in the Wind
How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

source: http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/blowin.html

first heard this song in one of ELDDS's performances... Mrs. Tian let us watched one of the competition-bound performances by the ld girls and the song just caught my attention.
it kinda struck me at that time... an anti-war, anti-conflict song that I thought was really meaningful... remembered pasting the lyrics on my table back in sec 3... since then, this song had been one of my favorite songs.
heard it again yesterday when Takuya sang this song on SMAPXSMAP, its the song Takuya recomended as the song that sums up this year. was kinda surprised that the theme for mon's song session on SMAPXSMAP was "a song to sum up this year"... then it came to me that it's december... 2004 is coming in 21 days...

just carn help but feel that this year had been so fast... yet so packed with action...
SYF, Chingay, all the cip at alexandra hospital, holding up the full responsibility of designing the Outlook magazine, coping with the upblooming A levels... then taking it, blah blah blah...
feeling a little numb at the moment... perhaps the year has been too fast; my 2 years in JC has been too fast... and all of a sudden, I'm thrusted out of school... as a fresh JC graduate... waiting for my A level results and looking for a job.
a sense of lost? i dunno... in 22 days time, i will not be waking up at 6 am in the morning to change into a uniform and make my way for a new school year... I will no longer need to wear another school uniform in my life anymore, much as the notion appeals to me, i have to admit that it scares me... kinda. what is instilled for me in the years to come? after the sheltered education system of singapore... what am i gonna do? after going through the paved route from primary school, to secondary school and then junior college... where am i heading? to UK? to a singaporean university? or will I try the 'far-fetched' notion of not going to uni? the years to come will be ones of change and challenge.

curious? ready to go out to see the world? wanting to make a difference to the monotonous life of mine? while I'm all geared up for the exciting years to come, apprehension, uncertainty and definately fear looms like a piece of dark cloud that just wouldn't go away. like a warm bed that urges me to sleep longer every morning, i don't really wanna get up from this dream where falling down does not hurt (that much).
but oh wellz... you will need to get up of your comfortable bed to see the sunrise of new day... and much as the road ahead is long and winey, there must be beautiful scenaries along the route... so, the years to come will be colourful!! i hope.

*grinz* thanks clare! it's actually a really simple layout, it's the photo that's 'christmassy'.
miss ng gets a kick out of suaning me... and although I hate to admit it... i'm used to it... bleah.
and clare dear... Takuya looks funny!! hahahahahahaha think he looks GOOD. oh wellz, love is blind. *wink*
oh, and before I continue with my entry...
Happy 30th Birthday Goro-chan!!


Goro Inagaki is a member of SMAP. I guess I don't need to explain more since no one's really interested in knowing anyway huh? *sigh*

psychology... thanks clare dear... but I guess not...
well, I don't know, but I've always felt that I'm a pretty 'unfeeling' person who doesn't really care too much about how others feel. In other words, I live in my own world... to a large extend. so, I basically don't take much interest in knowing how people think and why will they think like that. to me... they just do, the reason? ... doesn't matter much does it? anyway... psychology is not appealling to me. (><) (shuyan says I sound mean... opps)
thinking that I may wanna take up the biomed engineering... 'cause there's a future in this field, I think. sigh... whatever... I dun really wanna think about it just yet, it gives me a headache.

RJ grad nite tonight... can't help but feel anti-social for not going for it. but you see... paying 60 odd for ticket, hundred odd for a dress... near 50 for a pair of shoes (i dun have heels except for my court shoes)... another 50 odd for accessories... 50 odd for a hotel room if I'm staying with the girls in my class for the night... that amounts to near 300 bucks!! what the... in exchange for? an album of photographs, and two days of after-prom-'wariness'. nothing seems to be telling me to go!! (except for the slight guilt of abandoning my class...)
ok, I admit, I'm anti-social, AND 'money-faced'.
but for the others who's going tonight.... enjoy yourselves yarz? and hope Vida become prom queen.

hahaha.... Takuya is seriously addicted with pirates..... ('One Piece')
this picture here shows Takuya acting as Johnny Depp (in Pirates of the Caribbean) *faint*



look at the teeth! and the rings!! and that hair!!! hahahahahaha

thanks clare!! *hugz*
confused confused confused!! how??!! wanted to get an offer in biomed engin badly thinking that it's what i want.... but I'm wondering now if it's because so few people do the course.... (40 per year) then now... i'm thinking that i may want something chem more... working in a lab with chemicals... not mechines like the Magnetic Resonance Imaging System and heart-pacer......... ARGH!!! the thing that is REALLY putting me off is the two years of maths I have to endure.... I thought I can pretty much throw away my differentiation and integration for the rest of my life!! if i do engin.... it's gonna be more calculus!!

ok... let's put things into perspective....
i want to do research... something laboratory work
i'll like human interaction in my future work although it is not my first pirority
i want something that stimulates my thinking, something that i will not feel bored doing
although i THINK I'm relatively quite good at physics... and dun have a problem understanding maths... chem is the subject that fasinates me
ok, I'm materialistic... AND practical... if the job has a good prospect that can let me earn enough to lead a relatively comfortable lifestyle... i dun mind doing it...... even if it's me second choice ( humans carn just live on dreams right??)

ARGH!!!! my head's exploding with all these thoughts... must I decide? can some kind soul give me some advice?? what will you see me doing in ten years time?? ( dun say slacking - that's confirmed)
and the biggest joke is that... IF (touch wood) i dun do well for As.... all of these is CRAP. *faint*

oh!! for those interested in going sn for relief... maybe you can make a trip down and fill in this form at sn... so that they'll contact you if there's vacancies... but i think the chances are slim.... fill it in anyway yarz??

hi people!! been quite a long time huh? and I notice that many people's not updating their blogs... busy with prom? having fun??? haha... I'm busy with one piece. :P and of course, meeting up with friends, watching tv... and hosting shuyan who will be here till christmas eve...
oh, one good news, got a conditional offer from imperial college london for biomedical engineering at AAB (including maths and physics).... maybe I should not even go for my medicine interviews!! *cheers*
going for huahui camp in sn later...
sigh... why is my entry so boring? I've got nothing to say!! My life has been wake up, eat, go out, shop, watch tv... blah blah blah... I feel like a nuthead!! not thinking about anything... as though even if the world ends tomorrow, I dun care!! hmm.... ok, I'll try to think of something to write about the next time yarz? till then, take care people! *hugz*