haha... seems like everyone's having lotsa fun without me!! (^-^)
joyce..... tortoise suits you leh.... *oops*

Clare... you're welcome!! had a great time yest!!

min... I dun know about loving dissect them... at first, i thought it was really cool to learn about the dissection... asking the doctor about how to cut the skin, the muscle... carefully seeing the sewing process of the wound...

but when we put the rats into the cardon dioxide chamber to sacrifice them, there was a mix of emotions flooding up me... they were moving about, seeming lively and energetic... then as the CO2 gas filled their lungs, they became more and more immobile, seemingly sleepy, then they moved no more. eyes still wide open. when you take them out of the chamber, they're still warm, then the extremities turns bluish. as I shave the rats to enable easy skinning of them later, I can feel the heat draining out of their bodies legs up, the red eyes turned a dull pale colour. but their faces are so peaceful, like those cute cartoons of rats (mouse) that we see on the tv. but they are breathing no more, they will no longer squealing or peeing and shitting as my mentor picks them up on their tails, they will no longer try to resist the needles that my mentor tries to inject into them, they will no longer switch as if in pain when the anesthetics wear off during the surgery. life seems so fragile at that moment... and I begin to wonder if what we're doing is correct... I know it's for medical advancements... they are trying exercise responsible animal testings as far as possible... but it is hitting me. though they are rats, they too have lives.

have not been updating my blog... sincere apologies to my dedicated readers (if there anyone of you out there). been really busy working these days... cutting up rats for in vivo testing, sacrificing them after that... pulling out their skin... mixing powders (not anthrax...), collating data... doing various forms of testings... darn.. I wanna blog about my attachment experience!! but guess what? I signed an Intellectual Property Protection Pact to promise that I will not leak out details of the activities I observed!! so... dear readers, bear with the suspense.

forgive the short entry, there's quite some things I'll like to blog about... but working 8.30 to 6.30(min) every mon to fri, I really dun have much energy to blog. and with tons of essays, reports and my uni apps not done... I guess I'll just have to starve my dear readers of my juicy entires!! haha... I can see the (-_-'') faces.

UK photos are partially uploaded.

http://img4.photobucket.com/albums/0603/aleshiela/UK%20trip/

suggestions: view by clicking "View Oldest First" and "slideshow" for a chronological display of big photos

haha... dears... dun worry about it larz... have no intention of going to the UK for medicine anyway. ^^ I said before.... I just want to get all the offers... that's all... (sense of achievement?) ok, kill me for all you want.

I realise that I'm getting more and more like a person who I will not like...

p/s: think the letter means that I'm n the waiting list larz... meaning... interview not too badly done but there's pple who's better than you and you'll just have to wai and see if they dun want to come to imperial.

A letter from Imperial regarding my medicine interview:

Dear Miss XXX,

Following your recent interview I regret that we are unable to offer you a place at Imperial College School of Medicine. This decision simply reflects the overwhelming competition for our limited places. The formal notification will be sent to you via UCAS in the near futute.

I hope that you will be sucessful at one of your other choices.

Although we are unable to make you an offer at this stage, you did well in your interview and we may be able to reconsider you in September for a last minute place if we have any unfilled places after the A level results come out. If you achieve grades ABBD in Chemistry, Biology, Physics and Mathematics [in any order] at A level and if you are not holding any UCAS offer in August you should write to us asking to be considered for a last minute place.

If you are holding UCAS offers at other institutes you are required to follow the UCAS regulations concerning the holding of offers and if you fulfill the conditions of an offer you are required to take up that place.

Yours sincerely...

my reaction upon reading the letter:
Following your .... via UCAS in the near future - disappointed... darn...
Although we are unable to make you an offer... last minute place. - ?????????

overall: "I'll rather that they tell me that I suxx"

so... what is that supposed to mean???????????????????

btw.... conditional offer of AAB from Glasgow in the bag.

Thanks dears... clare, min and joyce.... thanks to shuyan for chatting with me even though it was 3am in the morn in melbourne... *hugz*
still feeling blue... time to move on, I will... but this is affecting me more than I expected it to.... guess I'm not as optimistic as what my ct described me as in the testimonial...

to clare: congrats on the excellant results!
to min: I want free dental service can??? ok.... the first visit must be free can??? Good Luck in your apps!
to joyce: way to go dear! I'm so proud of ya!!
to huahua: YOU RULE!!! really~
to cyn: well done gal!!
to ber: good job gal!! *hugz*

have a question for clare: are you supposed to see anything after submitting your app to DSTA? like "we've recieved your application" or something? the page seemed stuck on the resume part.

I know my results are not bad.... I am not in the position to sob, not in the position to complain, it's more or less what I had expected, but... but... I know some who read this blog will feel like 'han tum'ing me if they know my results, I know that pple who read this and hear me 'complaining' might be feeling pissed... but here's always this thing about fulfilling your potential... always this thing about performing under your expectations... and I believe this is one of the cases. I'm fine pple... really. but just let me rant ok?

I know my results will allow me to do most things that I wanna do, but that's not the point. I want to do the best of my potential. but that's not happening. I can't help but feel the disappointment felt by some pple around me who feel that I am probably capable of something better. are they expecting too much from me? am I not as good as they think I shld be? or is everything they think about me a results of me being the greatest actress in the century who deserve an Oscar award? bleah... am always told about how it's good to be a small fish in a big sea than be a big fish in a small pond. is that true? but why am I feeling that bad? but yet I think I'm glad that I chose this path. I still believe that this place have given me ALOT of opportunities... but.... sigh.... was I too complacent? I think I've given up on that subject long ago... placed lesser effort on it than the others... so really... nothing to complain... but can I just feel disappointed?

ok... enough of the ranting... guess whatever you want about my results.

not exactly well done... wellz.... not too bad... but.... hmm...

went to IBN today.... damn tired.

saw alot of things.... time to think through alot of things... hope that the results dun come out so soon...

com crashed while I was away... still trying to load all my things into order... find all my Takuya websites and stuff...

have not uploaded the photos!

I wanna be in France now....

falling asleep... have to work from 8.30 to 6.30 tmr.... bye! sorry dear.... damn sleepy - jet lag still severe!

pple... I rule.

got a conditional offer of AAB from University of Manchester (just checked the website)... win... after screwing up the interview like CRAZY thanks to that funny question about some breast milk substitute in the poor countries like Africa and having absolutely NO IDEA what the heck were they talking about... I got an offer.

come to think of it... they probably feel obliged to give me a place for making me fly there for my interview...

heck... who cares??

but then... I dun like Manchester as a city... the uni's nice and all... but then...

what about me not wanting to go to the UK to do med even before I went??

ok... face it... I want to be offered a place in all the unis I applied to. human greed is a scary thing.

I miss Tauya like crazy...

need to go work in IBN tmr. still have not recovered from jet-lag... slpt at 6 am yest watching the FANTASTIC MIJ smap vcd dad bought me and woke up at 3 pm. ok... I admit.. it was more to watch the vcd than jet-lag (6 piece)

com crashed while I was away... lost all my favourite sites and d/ls of takuya... need to find them again.

itching like hell because of my peeling skin from the dry british weather.

I hope my administrators in uni are not reading this blog by any kinda search they can do on the net. they're not so free right?

room's in a total mess... am supposed to clear it up... but I carn be bothered to lift a finger.

photos are burnt into CD... haven't got the time to load them (ok, I'm lazy) give me a week?? :P

better go and bathe... tmr have to wake up at 7... sigh.... hope I can sleep.