Hi people... haven't been blogging for some days.... let's see... it's because I have nothing joyful to blog about. well... except that I found a new smap fan friend in carol...

Life has been pretty much a drag these days as the day to the start of uni draws closer. I know I chose this route and I cannot afford the luxury to regret or feel self-pity... As many of my friends take their first steps into the fulfillment of their dreams, mine's still a mist. The inertia to move is not from being stagnant for too long (according to puriko's first law of physics), but the plain dislike of the things that's going to happen. This is a period of time I know I will have to learn to master up strength and courage to move on, to brave what's instill for me in life. However, I feel weak. I have no desire to push forward. While the strength has to be drawn from within, it's not there for me.

I have no desire to join activities in uni, I just wanna hide in my little hermit shell and escape from reality. But another part of me tells me that it is not the way to do things... for my own sake, I have to move. I'm still not going for orientation though, I can well cramp another week of driving... that's my pirority at the moment.

Sometimes, I ask myself... what did I do to end myself in this state? Did I do anything wrong? I'll like to tell myself, "no", but I cannot be linient with myself. Something I learnt over the years is that only the people who work hard for something will get that they are looking for, but not every one who works hard get what they want. That's life. I did not work hard enough. Is that right? I start to question myself. I have lost who I am... or probably, I never knew who I am. I am a person who will bend and adapt myself to whatever comes my way... I have no strict principals to talk about, and I don't like that. I don't knwo what I am driving at already... as you probaly noticed, my mind's in a whirl. I cannot think without not giving myself a headache. I'm leading life day by day under the inertia to move on. I know I cannot afford to do that anymore, but the force to push on is not found. argh.

I passed my final theory test!!!!!!!!!!! muahahahahahha~ thought I'll fail because I found one mistake already... (you can have only five mistakes to pass)

heard from shuyan that you are not supposed to wash your hair after dyeing for 2 days so that the colour will not fade (to a lighter shade)... die. Washed it once and conditioned it 4 times last night (to get rid of the smell and to not let it get so dry). win... thanks dears for your comfort... argh... how????? looks like a tiger you know?? my hair base is black (natural colour) with blond highlights... sigh major disaster...

hey people!! I dyed my hair... ok... highlighted my hair. It's this blond colour... and guess what?! I think I look like a major ah-lian... or rather... ah-beng.. (-_-''') and I was wearing super loose berms and t-shirt~ can you imagine the major ah-beng I looked like??!! shld have chosen a reddish colour instead. it'll probably make me look more feminine... maybe I shld get my ears pierced or something, will that help?? (ok, it's only a mention, have not brought myself to the needles because of the fear of pain) now I look like some major delinquent. and guess what?!! there's a bioengin welcome tea session on tuesday, I have to get myself to look more decent!!!!!!! (-_-''')

Sigh.... Pam... learn to live for yourself, who cares about what other people think? At the end of the day, you live for yourself.

Okie, change of topic, I have a sister who's as stubborn as a mule. And, if she doesn't care to change that attitute for herself... no one can help her. Thanks dears anyway. ^^

I love Sena and Minami~!!

two 'O' level takers who are obviously stressed out here... well, you may not believe it, but ask your seniors, none of them will remember those 'O' level days well.  They remember those days they spend in school with their friends. It's just a phase of your life that.... shld I say, you have to go through, but just go on from there. It may seem like the world to you now, but after it's past, you'll realise how... trival it is. Not to say that you don't have to work hard for it, but that there are just more important things in life.
 
well... I really think that life is beautiful...
it's a matter of perspective.
 
when you wake up in the day, when sun rays pierce into your eyes... the orange colour that you see, the colours all around you, red from the flowers, blue from the sky, yellow from the sun, green from the trees... aren't they beautiful? Take a deep breathe, feel the air in your lungs, the instant wakening of your senses... isn't that feeling wonderful? The feeling of being alive? (try drowning yourself for a while and you'll get what I mean better) The rising and setting sun, the changing moon, the moving clouds, the twinkling stars... all the miracles in life! Have you ever stopped to think about all these? Or have you let your life roll past you without feeling the sweetness of it? Have you been letting your busy schedule blind you and desensitize you from savouring these moments that fills your heart with warmth? Poetic you may think I am trying to be... but it's these minimal things in life that we often forget.
 
Yes, it's because you are alive, that's why you have so many responsibilities... so many things to do, that you don't really want to do. So many expectations to meet up to, so many eyes looking at how you perform. There's even more things that you want to do, you dream of, that doesn't come through. The restrictions in life, the boundaries in everything we do... Are they suffocating you?
 
well... look at it from another point of view... you are able to do all these things, feel being stressed, because you are alive!! And being alive enables you to feel other things other than stress. The hug from a friend, the love of your family, the joy of a joke, the faith of believing in your god and even the feeling of being in love... wonderful feelings of life aren't they? Don't expect things to always be perfect... don't desire them to be flawless and life to be nothing but a bliss... you will not be able to feel those good things as much without knowing the feeling of the bad things.
 
It's all a matter of perspective.
 
ok... talked a little too much that I'm feeling that I'm getting irrelavant and idealistic. Maybe because I'm a dreamer, I like to see things in their most beautiful manner. It makes me happy.

it's downloading!! it's downloading!! SMAPXSMAP!! Yamaguchi Tomoko! Minami! Sena!! *excited*
 
read that Takuya is totally... shld I say... under-performing today!! haha... finally! (he ALWAYS wins) they say... he's so shy, he dare not even look at Yamaguchi!! haha <--Mr. Shy~! \(^-^)/
 
wanna know what I am so excited?
1) Takuya mentioned before than one girl he had always made him very nervous is Yamaguchi!!
2) Takuya seldom loses in games and he lost today~!! (reason: because Yamaguchi's around and he doesn't know how to act!!)
 
dear Takuya... you are a married man! don't need to be so shy right? and what's more! you know Yamaguchi so well!! (he even knows what kind of food she likes)
 
Nakai (the leader of SMAP) was trying throughout the entire episode to get Takuya and Yamaguchi to kiss... he says it's the wish of all the live audiences and the audiences in front of the tv (and mine!). that's didn't happen though... and Takuya lost for the Bistro SMAP session... so he got no kiss. (><)(the chef(SMAP) whose cooking is the best liked by the guest(Yamaguchi here) gets a kiss from the guest if the guest is a lady)
 
note: Bistro SMAP is a cooking competition between the SMAP members. in this live session, they cook live.
since today is a special live session, SMAP plays various games (today, it's a 5m marathon and a 'throw slippers' competition). The loser usually goes on a punishment.
 
but I heard that there's no punishment for today's games!! So, I won't get to see Takuya get punished AGAIN? (He lost once in history... argh)

colourful blogs possible!!!!!!!!!  so cool~ haha, not that it matters to me... :P <--lazy
 
anyway~! it's TONIGHT!!!!! T.O.N.I.G.H.T!! Yamaguchi Tomoko is attending SMAPXSMAP live as a special guest of the Bistro SMAP segment. (^-^)
 
SENA~!
 
MINAMI~!
 
was called a 'bimbo' by shuyan today when I sang S.H.E's "Super Star" earlier on today at ktv. hey... where do you see such an ugly bimbo? haha, and my brain's made of tofu on the minimum~ (at least it's not hollow... *grinz*)  btw... I think the lyrics of "Super Star" really fits my idea of Takuya: You are the light, you are electricity, you are the only legacy. *GRINZ*
 
janice: I agree. (sorry, too bimbotic today to think of any reply >< )

was reading Joe Cheng's (Zheng Yuan Chang <- this guy who acted in 'Qiang Wei zhi Lian" with Ella from S.H.E) message to his fans... apparently, some guy in his fan forum was saying that he's thinking of suicide... which reminded me of an incident that happened nearly a year ago.
 
didn't want to talk about it at that time because I know that there are people who are badly affected by it... but now, I don't think the people who are affected by it reads this blog in the first place, neither are there pesky reporters from the New Paper reading people's blog for this news anymore... so, may I? Just a gentle reminder, if what's gonna follow might affect you in any way, do not continue.
 
 

 
 
 
 
  
  
  
  
  
  
 
I remember it was a very normal morning of school, but during the first period, all the teachers were called out for an urgent meeting. After the famous teacher-tearing-book incident, nobody suspected more than a normal discipline problem that got serious enough for an urgent meeting. Almost 0.5 hour later... my ct walked into class, eyes teary and red, in an obvious shock state to break the news to us... a girl took her life 'last night'. A wave of shock and disbelief swept through the class in the already cold container ts classroom. Two of my classmates broke into tears... I was busy comforting my classmate who as sitting beside me to really feel anything. The teachers asked the students who are affected to go for a councilling session in the school library... the rest of us stayed in class in silience. no lessons were conducted that day, none of the teachers were in the correct state of mind to have an animated discussion session with the students, neither were the students in the mood for any physics chem or maths.
 
"she was still comforting another friend yesterday afternoon!"
"I sat beside her last week!"
 
No one knows the reason why a seemingly perfectly ok person will choose to end her life in one of the most scary way to die. Nobody even felt that she was prone to doing such a thing! My memories of her was her cheery smile, great voice and sunny character. She was popular, she has everything going on around her in her life. What was it so bad that she was courageous enough to kill herself but not brave enough to face?
 
At 18, death was far away... death was something for people much older than me, who probably contracted some incurable disease or something... but for that day, death was right beside me. Happening to people just like me.
 
WHY? I do not know. I am not a friend of hers... we just simply know the existance of each other, and I was badly shocked. I can't imagine the feeling of those who knew her well... of those who had hoped that they had noticed something, hoped that they have spoke to her and helped her through it.
 
I hope that death is not something that had passed the mind of anyone of you reading this at the moment. It's not a game. It's not drama: the actor will not be appearing on TV tmr after he died.
Take a walk around the hospitals, see those who are ill straggle to live, if they want to keep alive, why do you want to die? Your death might end worries for you... but it doesn't destroy them, the worries and pain are passed to those alive. Those whom you love, who loves you.  
 
Using 4D's slogen, Life is Beautiful, Carpe Diem!!

warning: Takuya flooding to come (I'm too free nowadays)
 
listening to Takuya's radio programme, What's Up SMAP!! now... realised that takuya's voice during the programme, is very often one obtave higher than normal. His mental age will degrade from the usual 22 to 12?! hahahahaha you know... it's because of him being so cute and youthful and... childish(?!) that I like him... ^^
 
of course, once in a while, he will undergo some form of transformation or something... and start talking about serious stuff, at those times, his mental age will become 42... (but that's really once in a while), then, you will start to feel that this fella is really a mature adult. then, he'll start talking about some really foolish joke or action, and then you'll think that he's still a child all over again. ^^
 
you know... everytime I listen to the radio programme... I really can picture his actions and expressions in front of the mike... all animated and lively, unlike the usual him we see on tv... accompanied by that laughter that's 2 obtave higher than his usual voice... that's the Takuya I like. (^-^)

just as a reminder (a profile of Takuya):
 
name: Kimura Takuya
 
age: 31
 
birthday: 13 Nov 1972
 
member of: SMAP (Nakai Masahiro, Kimura Takuya, Inagaki Goro, Kusanagi Tsuyoshi, Katori Shingo)
 
good in: acting, singing, dancing, cooking
 
interest: surfing, watching video/dvd, fishing, kendo
 
likes: to drive very fast, spagetti, natto
 
family: parents, younger brother, wife (Kudo Shizuka), 2 daughters (Kokomi and Mitsuki)
 
famous dramas: Long Vacation, Love Generation, Beautiful Life, Hero, Good Luck!!, Pride...
 
movies: 2046, Fly Boys Fly
 
famous songs (as SMAP): Sekai ni Hitotsu dake no Hana, Yozora no Mukou, Lion Heart...
 
voice performance: as the black bird in Food Fight, 'Howl' in Howl's Moving Castle (Ghibli production to be release in autumn)
 
regular programmes: SMAPXSMAP (Fuji TV, mon 2000hrs-2300hrs jap time), What's Up SMAP!! (Tokyo FM, fri 2300hrs-2330hrs jap time)
 
 
okie... my recommendations:
 
songs: Orange, Zutto Zutto, Ha, Kimi wo Tsurete Yuku, Sekai ni Hitotsu dake no Hana, Lion Heart
 
dramas: Gift, Beautiful Life, Long Vacation
 
Concerts: 1998, 1999, 2002, 2003
 
programmes: What's Up is really good if you can understand japanese
 
for people who don't know Kimura: (first, knock your head on the walls) then, start by watching Long Vacation, then, get a few concerts and watch them. by this time... you shld be more or less obssessed by this fella, then get yourself shows like Gift and Nemureru Mori, you will learn to appreciate his talent more... then get yourself What's Up to listen to the real Takuya... and you will be hopelessly in love. (^-^) then, weekly dosage of SMAPXSMAP is really amazing and good for you to know the other wonderful members of SMAP. Precription completed.

was reading a passage talking about Takuya talking about how he dislike people littering... when I remembered a Jap compre that I did before... until now... I still marvel at the way the author put his words... it's a signpost in the parks that goes (in jap): "Take lots of beautiful photos, but don't take the flowers, leave lots of wonderful memories, but don't leave your litter" it sounds really good in Jap... really good... nice to have signs like that in the parks instead of the blatent "DO NOT LITTER" signs huh? the author says the signs spoil the beauty of the parks. *wink*
 
actually nat... I really don't know! Maybe it's because my results are not good enough so they dun let me take it... I'm just speculating the reason.

argh... what a day...
 
called up the person in charge of the japanese language placement test this morning to ask about taking the placement test to do japanese as a module to be told that since I got my JLPT 2 2.5 years ago and have forgotten alot of my jap already, I should go down and try to see if I can take the test..
 
so, I took a 1.5 hours trip down to NUS to talk to the teacher for 10 mins... to be told that since I can understand what she's talking about in Japanese and can speak Japanese... I am not allowed to take the modules because me being able to speak Jap will make the rest of my classmates stressed - because NUS students can write Jap but cannot speak and listen to Jap... (-_-''') can you imagine my face????!!!!!!! it was literally (?). then, i asked if NUS will have any higher modules to take because I don't wanna waste my 5 years Jap education... the answer is NUS doesn't have enough manpower to offer the higher standard modules at the moment and probably not in the near future either... (-_-''')
 
and the thing is... after 5 years of learning jap and intensive jap education from Takuya every week on his radio and tv programmes... how can I not be able to speak and understand the simple Japanaese that she was using to speak to me?? that will be a shame to my teachers and Takuya!! but honestly... I know I am still a long way to being 'good' in Japanese... just listen to the Jap of those pple who took A level jap... they can practically take a japanese novel and read it like a book. THAT's what I call being 'GOOD'.
 
so... there goes my jap education (I'm gonna have to study myself or something), and 3 hours of my precious day that can be spent at AH, or at least at home slacking...

then... O.K.... I went home... only to find out that the SEP language preparation class (French and German) results are out and I didn't get in... something tells me that it's because I have done Japanese before and went for a student exchange programme before... or are my results really that bad??? argh...

I'm just curious...

How many of you actually bother to come by my blog every once in a while and read it?? I mean, it's boring, it's plain, it's got really bad english written on it and most importantly, it's subjected to Takuya flooding every once in while when my addiction works up!! I don't think I am a writer who's inspiring, motivating or just simply sensational... so, why on earth are you people reading it???!! Has my plain and boring life been interesting enough for you to read it, or are you so plain and boring that my life seems interesting to you?

can someone enlighten me?

can I scream??? can I? can I?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

guess what???!!! *extreme excitment*
Yamaguchi Tomoko, the Minami in 'Long Vacation' is gonna be a special guest in next week's LIVE SMAPXSMAP!! can you see my face?? 8 years! 8 years! (Yamaguchi 'retired' from the entertainment scene after the drama) Sena and Minami's gonna reunite!!!!! *grinz* I've been smiling like a fool for the last 2 days since I first heard the news. SENA!! MINAMI!!

okok, let's recap:


the famous title head


Kimura Takuya as Sena Hidetoshi


Yamaguchi Tomoko as Hayama Minami


the couple. (^-^)


kiss


my favourite scene... Sena and Minami at the piano. (^-^)

counting down to monday!!

hello dears! clare: sms me (or meet me online on icq) when you are back from camp? then we'll arrange to meet okie? (^-^)

oh, for those who might think that I'm too tired after the camp to blog... not really, I'm just... plain lazy. *oops*

okie, the camp did fulfill the japanese food statement, we had japanese curry. the ktv at chinatown was great!! sang 2 SMAP songs. *grinz* anybody wants to go with me again? note: MUST let me sing SMAP songs. *wide grin*

hmm... what else, went for my Primary 6 class gathering. it's great to know that everyone's living well. ^^ hmm.. not much feeling about it though, can't remember my primary school days very well (I'm forgetful -> I can't even remember my JC days!) but it was funny hearing them talk about all the naughty things we did in primary school and there's still a warm feeling to see everyone again. Wonder when will there be another one...

come to think of it, is 4 diligence gonna have a gathering??

yeah, and actually, I'm here to share a song.

Imagine by John Lennon

Imagine there is no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for and no religion too
Imagine all people living life in peace

You may say I'm a dreamer,but I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us and the world will be as one

Imagine no possession
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world
You may say I'm a dreamer ,but I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us and the world will live as one

I always like songs like this... meaningful, anti-war. (like Blowing in the Wind by Bob Dylan) hope you like it too!

hello hello! dead tired from this afternoon's 'photo hunt' all around NUS... sigh... why does the darn school have SO many stairs?? nearly died.... booked out of the camp for tonight 'cause I have driving lesson tmr at 8.35am (what unearthly hours~) imagine traveling from pasir ris to yck in the morning... I'll FAINT... so, yapz, the decision is to go home and join the camp tmr after my driving.

as I said, I'm tired, so this entry might be short... or, if I'm in a crappy mood, which does seem like the case (when my brain is not working and I'm just typing everything that I am thinking), I'll go on and on forever... so, it's at your own risk to continue reading. I've warned you.

they're doing beach games tmr morn, which I'm glad that I'll miss, because I am really tired and might need to go to the hospital if this I try to push myself any further. people there are generally quite nice, except that till now, there's no common topic to talk to them about. pammie will be happy to hear this, the camp's theme is FFX (i think)... my group's called Guada. apparently some race in final fantasy... whatever (-_-''')

and, something's bothering me since just now... who's 'fishie!'??? someone I know? a passer-by? someone from Takuya's bbs??? or... some one from the japanese camp(?!) tell me! I'm bursting with curiousity that some kind soul who doesn't know me (if you don't) bothers to read my blog!! haha

okie.. back to the camp, you pple are dead for a LONG entry... so, the 'promise' to serve jap food is non-existance. doesn't really bother me though... I'm SO glad that sitong's with me because, as I said, have not found a common topic with them... sigh... pple who join the club seems like generally pple who are quite quiet (I mean the freshmen)... which is bad, because I AM LOUD. *sigh* okie, but face it, in face of pple whom I have no idea what a potential common topic might be, I don't talk too... (okie, I admit, I TRY to talk, but conversations don't last very long, because I am not exactly motivated to try to bring a conversation today either)

okie!! conclusion, eh... (oh dear! sudden brain dead) the camp's bearable. yapz! that's it. and we are winning every game (my group), which is... getting boring if you ask my humble opinion.

sigh, I'm really getting crappy, if you are still reading this, thank you. though actually, you don't have to. (>.<)

I promise that the next entry will be more sensible and... whatever

I'm starting to develop a "I don't think I wanna go for the camp" feeling... no particular reason, just the plain simple old "sian... *with a long ending drag*". Just found out that there will be NO pple from my jc will be there, no sn pple apart from sitong... the only dear person whom I'll know is sitong. sigh... and, I hate to immerse myself with a bunch of people who likes to speak jap who heavens, can't speak the language for nuts! (ok, I know I am mean.)

you know.... once you start no going for activities (and turn off completely for such thing), the inertia to start going for such things gets greater and greater. (Puriko's first law of physics -> the longer you stay stagnant, the greater the inertia).

sigh... ok... think, Japan, think Takuya... think you can intoxicate more people into liking Takuya at the camp. *evil grinz*

shuyan!!! thought you vapourised into thin air or something!! hey, I saw you online 2 nights ago and said hi, with no replies from you. this that you? or, is your icq account hecked too? had fun in beijing?? looking forward to seeing you again!

yesterday, when my driving instructor (a pretty young guy) found out that I was a student of sn... (he happened to talk about driving along sn's roads and I let out a sigh <-- you all know that place is like... hilly?) the one thing he asked me: "so, I heard that sn has alot of butch (heck... can't spell for nuts)?"

(-_-''') where on earth did that come from??!!

and the thing is... at my old work place, the NUS attachment student asked me such a question before too!!

should have asked them... "so, have you met one before?" if not, SHUT UP AND STOP PASSING INACCURATE REMARKS ABOUT MY SCHOOL!! *argh*

Declined all my UK offers... sigh... was very tempted to take up the Imperial biomedical engineering... okie... look ahead. susume~!! (move forward)

SMAP's new single's gonna be sang on 12 July's SMAPXSMAP!!!! so... the single CD should come out on the shelves not long after that. It's gonna be called "Sore ga yuuki nanda~ Start in my heart" *cheers* finally after nearly one and a half years!!!!!! *cheers*

okie.. I know I'm the only one around here getting all excited... (but who cares?!) lalalala~ that means concert!! that means new album!! hahahahahaha, was still getting worried that there will not be a single (and concert) this year... Nakai (the leader of SMAP) is goning to Athens to do report coverage for the Olympics and Shingo (the youngest member in SMAP) still has a TV serial going on. Hurray!!

WAIT... last friday, on takuya's "What's Up SMAP!!" Takuya announced that till then, there has been no plans of a new single... which means: they have not started recording the songs!!?? and 12 July is... less than 2 weeks from today... (-_-''') why am I not surprised.

seems like this time... fans found out about the single's release before the members themselves AGAIN...

okie, just some info for those who don't understand what I'm talking about (if you are still reading): last year, SMAP's new album is called "MIJ, Made in Japan" and the recording company did all sorts of advertising on the streets of Japan with mega-sized billboards printed with the red words on white background, "MIJ". However, while all the billboards are up on the streets, the members themselves have NO IDEA that the billboards are their billboards... Tsuyoshi(the food fight guy) was still wondering on his way to work who's that who did such large scale advertising, only to find out later in the day that it's actually SMAP's newest album's title... (-_-''')

it's also not uncommon for smap's singles and albums to be recorded 2 weeks before its release. the reason given (by the fans) is that they are simply too busy.

I wonder why do I like them... (-_-''')

but still... saiko!!! (best!!) ureshii!!! (happy!!)