Faith

Meli was telling me about this quote on her poster about life... about how life really depends on what you think of it and how you face it. Simple facts that we all know... but when the going gets tough, when you feel desperate, exhausted and even disillutioned, that faith disappears and it's so tough to continue believing in "YOU CAN".

The escapist in me just wanna leads a simple life. I don't need to be rich, I don't need to be famous, I don't need to live a life that makes a difference to people. I just need to lead a happy life. That's it.

But the realist in me tells me that I do not want to let life slip away like that. Since I'm alive, I should do something to it! Fulfill my dreams, my hopes and do the things that I want to do my my life!

You realised that I'm not a religious person who think that all things are zero (buddhism) or that we live life to fulfill god's will (christianity?); I am a human being who's lost in the persuit of desires... (not that I think it's anything wrong honestly) I want to accomplish something in my life so that when I die, I can say that I did something in my lifetime.

But now... what is it that I want to accomplish? It's just so easy to give up and let that escapist have its way, but yet I know, that's not what I want.

hello people~! *trying to be lively and cheerful*

I AM SO TIRED~! and it's wierd because I know I had even more hectic lifestyles in secondary and jc~ but I am just so exhausted.

had my first tutorial class on tuesday that nearly brought me to tears. wonder if nat and min knows... there's this girl called d e b o r a h who is suppposed to top HC for every bio common test and another called v a n e s s a who's supposed to top in physics in my class... (-_-''') I stepped into tut in a half-asleep mode at 10am in the morning and recieved the first shock (cum wake-up-call) for the day: every one's mugging. Then, a couple of them seems to know everything they need to know about programming in C and were shooting questions during tut while I was sitting there desperately trying to understand the tutor (who's not too bad a chap). after class... a couple of us sat together and forsee a difficult and torturous 4 years to come.

I've been pinning hopes on graduate medicine for some time since I didn't get into med and decided on this course of study, but it does seem that the dreams is gonna be difficult to fulfill. After all, the graduate school will not take in some one who did not get a 1st class honours for their undergrad right??

then, there's this problem about ex-co elections in the jap society... as you can see from my tag board, I actually ran for ex-co for the society. I ran for 2 post : local liaison secretary and publications secretary. so... my senior got the post for local liaison (and I am really happy for her) on the first round of voting..

Then, I ran for publications secretary thinking that it's about making pamplets and magazines only to realise on the 'self-promoting' speech that that's the job of the publicity secretary. (ie: I ran for the wrong post) They asked me if I'm interested in running for publicity instead, however, there was a walk over for the post of publicity secretary and someone got the post already. So, in order to not make things ugly, I decided not to...

Eventually all the posts were settled except for publications with this guy and myself running. Looking at the situation, accompanied with the fact that I ran for the post mainly because the rest of my OG in the freshman camp were running, I decided against running and 'gave up' the post to the other guy. (ie: I walked-out of the elections)

However, the situation now is that... they want me in the ex-co... (because of my japanese background, relations with the moelc and r j as well asmy past experiences dealing with the japs I think...) So, they are gonna 'create' a post in the ex-co for me... doing logistics. My job scope will be to tidy and manage this little cardboard that the society has to keep their barang barang. (-_-''')

you probably realised, it's practically squeezing a position out...

and the fact that I literally 'walked out' during the elections, I feel extremely awkward to be attending ex-co meetings and activities.... while I'll love to work with the present batch of ex-co members, it's just not right that I 'stay'/'slug' in the ex-co as a "trial ex-co" member. argh... and the best thing now is... I have absolutely no idea how to get myself out of this pile of mess... I don't wanna strain relations with the pple in jap soc because they are some of the few pple in nus that i really liked so far and because I wanna take part in their activities... but staying on in the ex-co under such conditions is absolutely wierd.

And... although I don't stay in the halls and will not need my cca points, the 'trial ex-co' position will not be official - it won't be unless they pay 140 dollars and change the constitution. Call me practical, anything you want, but I am not willing to work equal work load as the others in the ex-co team if I am not gonna be acknowledged and recognised for my contributions. I'll rather be a member, help them out on my own free wll when I am free~ Now, I feel tied down - I am an "ex-co" and have a responsibility to the society.

Seeing the road again in my course of study as a difficult and hard-work filled one... I really don't see myself being active in any society or activity...

argh... you're probably seeing stars merely by reading this entry... I am seeing stars AND PLANETS thinking about them~!

It doesn't help that the lecturers are trying to teach 2 years work in 3 months and I am practically falling asleep at the monotonous drone of theirs... I'm feeling miserable, stressed out and utterly confused that I think I cannot be cheerful anymore~

Takuya's goldfish, Ikura-chan, passed away~

Ikura-chan is a goldfish that sleeps facing upwards (like humans)... =(

Ikura-chan's name came from its lumpy head that looks like fish roe (ikura).... Takuya talked about it on SMAPXSMAP about a year ago... it passed away.....

You know something? Takuya buried Ikura-chan in his garden and sowed some strawberry seeds on the soil where he buried Ikura-chan... and according to him, the strawberries grew very well... he said, "Ikura-chan became strawberries and returned to me... every year, he will return to me as strawberries" (-_-''')

Takuya, are you a girl???!!!!

Jiawei lost...

There are some things that I wanna blog about - thoughts that had been bothering me for the day.

But I'm just too exhausted from school to type a long entry explaining everything. I thought I had finally climbed out of my hermit shell, but somehow, maybe I'm wrong... I'm still experiencing the inertia to move, the reluctance to compete... I just wanna have a simple life spent doing things I wanna do, not for any reasons but just because I feel that it's what I want to do. When can I become a person like that? If I can't when can I change this mindset of mine?

okie, back to mugging. (-_-'') My brain's NOT WORKING!!

and... I just realised that I enjoyed the genes and society lecture very much!! Maybe... I do like biology, just that I refuse to admit it?

to my dear leader of SMAP, Nakai Masahiro san,

OTANJYOUBI OMEDETOU~!!!!!!

Happy 32nd Birthday my dear leader, thank you for bring SMAP to what SMAP is today and thank you for loving SMAP so much. Not only are you the leader of SMAP, you are also the leader of all SMAP fans. For your 32nd birthday, may all that's good be to you and may you find someone you want to be with for the rest of your life soon!!

hey dears!! add me to your msn contact list okie!! it's

(my english name)(my surname)@hotmail.com

p/s: it's to filter out pple who read my blog but dun know me personally if there's any. if you're my friend but so hopelessly don't know my name... tag me, and I'll consider adding you. *wink*

NUS lecturers teach so fast!! if you even consider that teaching... *sob*
uni's been burning a hole in my pocket with the books... and no offense, but somehow, I don't think 2nd hand books are very much cheaper... I get the impression that our seniors are trying to 'cheat' us to buy the books from them at a less-than-reasonable 2nd price.

ok, look at this situation i encountered:

For the module, Programming Methodology, we need to buy a certain textbook that's actually notes written by our lecturers. There's two edition to the book, and I want the 2nd edition because it's more updated andl.... edited with errors in the 1st edition corrected.

So, I was trying to look for a 2nd hand one from the seniors... then, there was this senior I asked (whom I do not know personally)... I asked her if it's the 2nd edition and she told me she didn't know... so, okie... nvm... I asked for the appearance of the book and checked with my friend who have bought the 2nd edition new from the co-op. (all conversation took place through sms btw) and found out that hers is actually the 1st edition because the 2nd edition is out only this year. so, I smsed her to tell her that since hers is the first edition, I do not want it... then she replied: "I have gone through with my friend and found out that the one in the co-op is not much different from mine..."

...

so, she does know that it's the 1st edition she's holding?!!! Or did she think that there's 3 editions all together? I'll like to think that it's the latter. besides, she's selling me at 12 bucks, and the 1st hand one from the co-op is 15.60 dollars... so, no point compromising accuracy and buy a 2nd hand that's 3.60 cheaper.

and I realised that there's a CO-OP card!!!! gonna get my hands on it... 5% discount i think... which is... 20 dollars if I buy 400 dollars all together. better than nothing... for those who want it too... go to the CO-OP with 2 passport size photo and ask the lady at the counter for the application form.

clare: that's an evil plan of yours to get me to blog more often right?? haha... love ya~!

I'll just like to say,

SUSILO, YOU RULE!!!!!!!!!

go on and bring that medel back~
ok, no pressure, but your performance this morn (midnight) was FANTASTIC.
(not that you read my blog...)

I think I am gonna fall into the evil trend of engineers - be a silient worker.

Somehow... after one week fo school, I find myself not wanting to express my feelings, make known my thoughts and rather... even to think about things apart from maths, physics and computing.

die... I don't even know how to continue writing this entry!! grrrrrr....... die... I need to read more... books, magazines, anything!! anything to keep me active and thinking... yes, maths, physics etc are DEAD. They only make a portion of my brain work... by the end of the 4 years, I think I will not know how to speak properly anymore.

hello hello! back from first day of school. Nothing especially excited really...

Went to school at 8.30 this morn even though my lecture starts at 12 to look for our Prof. regarding the module... then, they finally got it settled. Although those with A level bio are not supposed to be allowed to take, it was their mistake in allowing us to take the module for bidding. So, this will be an exceptiong for those who have registered for the module. (^-^) Just to be fair... since bidding now for another module that doesn't clash with our timetable is almost impossible... (all the modules are snapped up!)

ok... time to read programming notes... (o_O)

p/s: I think this blog is getting BORING... ok, to liven things up a little... Takuya just went to HK last week to film 2046... (not sure if it's the promotional film or the actual thing itself that's supposed to be finished during the Cannes Festival). TAKUYA~! come Singapore!!!! *grinz*

Happy Birthday Singapore!!!!!!!

now, back to the fantasic problem I have now.... apparrently, I'm not allowed to take Genes and Society! Now, I'm left wih 50 points in my account and a redundant module that I cannot take.

hello dears... I used 200 nus points to bid for Genes and Society.

...

so, I am now left with 50 points in my miserable general account. Blame it on my lousy timetable that allowed me to fit nothing else but this gem in... and guess what? there's 2 lecture groups for this gem.. and the other group, used 1 point! grrrrr..... not that you can use nus points to buy anything except miserable modules to make you mug your butts off... but this means that I will have less points to carry forward for the next sem and hence put me to a disadvantage in bidding for popular modules~

honestly, I'm not very sure if the system works this way, but...

okok, i admit that I am a scrouge ok?! paying 200 points for a module is really expensive! though I know pple pay a few hundred for theirs...

I am no idea what am I getting upset about... it's NUS points... not food, not money, not power, not marks... haha... nvm... I guess it's because the other lecture group got it at 1 point. (^-^)

I have a feeling that my english is getting worse by the day... (not that it has ever been anything near to 'good') but the idea that I am... as my sis told me earlier on today... more and more... crude? Been swearing and using... not very elegant language. haha... can't imagine?

okok... don't forget what your 8 years in sn taught you. wen1 wen2 er3 ya3 gao1 gui4 da4 fang1

takuya's in hongkong!!!!!!!!!!!!
*please let him come singapore, please let him come singapore~~~~*
*please let him come over the weekends because school is starting and I can't go fetch him on a weekday*

shit~! the next min bid point for genes and society is 31?! it was 11 2 hours ago~! sigh... i need to get this GEM (General Education Module - ask NUS) you know how tough it is to even find a module that timetable doesn't clash with my timetable and is interesting enough to study and easy enough to score?! sigh..... *pray that the bid doesn't get any higher*

hmm.. let's see what's new... I finished stage 2 for driving!! did verticle parking yesterday, later in the day it'll be land changing in heavy traffic.

wonder if it's bad not to go for orientation... but I need this week for driving! not that I can finish lessons, but I need it. A single day helps. well.. and I'm glad that I dun have to join games... heard that it's wet and muddy. But on the other hand, I'm missing out on socializing with fellow enign students... why can't orientation be dancing, eating and performance watching? I'm asking for too much right??!! *grinz*

okie... doing a free advertisment for a friend, anyone living in serangoon/kovan area, please let me know if you are interested in teach tuition to 2 boys, Primary 3 Chinese and Primary 5 Chinese and Maths... it's be most prob 3 hrs per week, one hours for the P3, one for P5 and one mix. Price: about SGD260-280

as usual, commitment and responsibility required and make sure your chinese can make it hor... primary school shldn't be that bad... but knowing our singaporean chinese standard... just in case.

leave me a tag if you are interested?

been busy with the darn bidding system these days... so I might not blog very frequently for a while... dun miss me!