hello people~! *trying to be lively and cheerful*

I AM SO TIRED~! and it's wierd because I know I had even more hectic lifestyles in secondary and jc~ but I am just so exhausted.

had my first tutorial class on tuesday that nearly brought me to tears. wonder if nat and min knows... there's this girl called d e b o r a h who is suppposed to top HC for every bio common test and another called v a n e s s a who's supposed to top in physics in my class... (-_-''') I stepped into tut in a half-asleep mode at 10am in the morning and recieved the first shock (cum wake-up-call) for the day: every one's mugging. Then, a couple of them seems to know everything they need to know about programming in C and were shooting questions during tut while I was sitting there desperately trying to understand the tutor (who's not too bad a chap). after class... a couple of us sat together and forsee a difficult and torturous 4 years to come.

I've been pinning hopes on graduate medicine for some time since I didn't get into med and decided on this course of study, but it does seem that the dreams is gonna be difficult to fulfill. After all, the graduate school will not take in some one who did not get a 1st class honours for their undergrad right??

then, there's this problem about ex-co elections in the jap society... as you can see from my tag board, I actually ran for ex-co for the society. I ran for 2 post : local liaison secretary and publications secretary. so... my senior got the post for local liaison (and I am really happy for her) on the first round of voting..

Then, I ran for publications secretary thinking that it's about making pamplets and magazines only to realise on the 'self-promoting' speech that that's the job of the publicity secretary. (ie: I ran for the wrong post) They asked me if I'm interested in running for publicity instead, however, there was a walk over for the post of publicity secretary and someone got the post already. So, in order to not make things ugly, I decided not to...

Eventually all the posts were settled except for publications with this guy and myself running. Looking at the situation, accompanied with the fact that I ran for the post mainly because the rest of my OG in the freshman camp were running, I decided against running and 'gave up' the post to the other guy. (ie: I walked-out of the elections)

However, the situation now is that... they want me in the ex-co... (because of my japanese background, relations with the moelc and r j as well asmy past experiences dealing with the japs I think...) So, they are gonna 'create' a post in the ex-co for me... doing logistics. My job scope will be to tidy and manage this little cardboard that the society has to keep their barang barang. (-_-''')

you probably realised, it's practically squeezing a position out...

and the fact that I literally 'walked out' during the elections, I feel extremely awkward to be attending ex-co meetings and activities.... while I'll love to work with the present batch of ex-co members, it's just not right that I 'stay'/'slug' in the ex-co as a "trial ex-co" member. argh... and the best thing now is... I have absolutely no idea how to get myself out of this pile of mess... I don't wanna strain relations with the pple in jap soc because they are some of the few pple in nus that i really liked so far and because I wanna take part in their activities... but staying on in the ex-co under such conditions is absolutely wierd.

And... although I don't stay in the halls and will not need my cca points, the 'trial ex-co' position will not be official - it won't be unless they pay 140 dollars and change the constitution. Call me practical, anything you want, but I am not willing to work equal work load as the others in the ex-co team if I am not gonna be acknowledged and recognised for my contributions. I'll rather be a member, help them out on my own free wll when I am free~ Now, I feel tied down - I am an "ex-co" and have a responsibility to the society.

Seeing the road again in my course of study as a difficult and hard-work filled one... I really don't see myself being active in any society or activity...

argh... you're probably seeing stars merely by reading this entry... I am seeing stars AND PLANETS thinking about them~!

It doesn't help that the lecturers are trying to teach 2 years work in 3 months and I am practically falling asleep at the monotonous drone of theirs... I'm feeling miserable, stressed out and utterly confused that I think I cannot be cheerful anymore~