dreams

So Paul Coleman (this guy who walked from Canada to Mexico i think to plant trees) came to our school a couple of weeks ago. With him, he brought a lady who leads an environmentalist group from South Africa. She's the daughter of Mr. Universe who happens to be Arnold's trainer. She told us about her life story, about how she didn't finish college education, took off to travel the world and ended up giving brith in the forest of the US. Then she decided to return home where she found the meaning of her life and decided to work for the earth. She founded an orgainzation which is currently renowned around the world.

She also talked about Arnold's story. Arnold apparantly show her dad a list when he was 18. It contained everything Arnold wanted to do in his life. From owning a car to becoming the governor of California at the end of the list. So throughout his life, he worked for those dreams and ticked the list one by one. When he became the governor of California, he finished ticking everything that was on the list. So now, he decided to be an environmentalist and do something for the Earth and for the future.

My japanese teacher of english sat beside me during the talk. He asked me: "What's on your list?" I thought for a while and told him... "I don't have one." I had one though (which I did not tell him). It used to contain dreams to be a doctor, to be a great doctor and to volunteer as a doctor in some of the poorest country in the world. When I didn't get into medical school 6 years ago, I threw my dreams out of the window and decided to just be happy.

Some asked me if I still wanna be a doctor. I don't know. Maybe I still do. But another part of me just wants to be happy and not push myself too much anymore. Do my best in whatever I am given the opportunity to do and see what it brings me to.

I don't have a list of dreams anymore...
Maybe, I'm just afraid of not achieving my dream again.

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On the other hand... a friend just reminded me to start thinking about what I can do for others. ^^

Doing more...

A fellow ALT asked me today... "did you ever think of doing something more outside of your job as an ALT? Like start something or lead something?"

Honestly, I usually rest any ideas that pop up... because I am too lazy to do the extra work. Also due to fear of it being beyond my abilities.

People here start charity projects, initiate community activities or start events... they're not always sucessful, but their spirit of wanting to create and initate and put an idea into work is indeed something I shld learn to pick up.

Satisfaction

When my student who won top 3 in our municiple speech contest last Saturday, she ran up to me and hugged me calling "sensei" in pure joy. To be the person whom she wants to share the prize most with... I guess this is the best reward a teacher can get.

Being a teacher often requires us to seek satisfaction in the achievements of our students. Unlike this particular competition, most achievements of our students will not come in tomorrow. It's probably 10 years, 20 years down the road for most of them. We might never know that we are the ones to allow that success of that student either.

I am a very self centered person. Satisfaction comes to me when I achieve something I want, in the way I want it to be achieved. However, to learn to seek satisfaction through the achievements of others may actually be a lesson I should learn... just like a mother who seeks pride in her high achieving son/daughter, maybe satisfaction in life can come in forms more than that of self-achievement. Nevertheless, before I seek satisfaction through the achievements of others, a part of me still wants to create more achievements that I can proudly call my own.