quit

I want to quit my phd program....
but I think I still like research....
but apart from the research I think I am working on, everything else is crap....
I hate my life, and I hate the person I am becoming.
I don't like to be thought as though I am stealing someone else's work.
I feel that that is my work...
I dislike my current condition and I don't know what to do about it.
I want to quit and go to bed to sleep.

工作

有时候真的很想把一切都放下，
然后找个心里很想做，梦想做的工作，
什么都不考虑，活在当下。

最近读了一篇文章，
说那些放弃正值，
去找寻梦想的人，
往往到了最后都搞得比原来的工作忙碌，
搞得连喜欢的东西都变得不喜欢了。
的确，放下一切去当导游吗？
其实我觉得我会在几年后因为工作的繁琐和重复而对这个梦想中的工作觉得疲倦。
当翻译吗？
我觉得我会因为把兴趣变成工作而讨厌起曾经很喜欢的语言。

一个好朋友最近跟我说：
工作呢，还是找个能给你推动力的，有挑战性的。
喜欢的东西还是当兴趣好了。

想想~ 我还是乖乖当我的书呆子，
有空的时候，请个长假到处去溜达溜达就好了~

competitiveness

I don't know if it's just me, but it feels like the world around me now is hihgly competitive. For some reason, people want to prove that they are better than others, in terms of skills, knowledge or other unsubstantial issues. To constantly feel compared or stupid is not nice at all.... and I really don't like myself for always wanna stay above the tide. The competitiveness inside me doesn't allow me to fail... but really, what does being no. 1 mean?

the relatives

How thick exactly is blood? Some times, some people assume you HAVE TO help them because you are related by blood. Even though your personal beliefs and values are miles apart and if unrelated by blood, we would never be friends. Then there are people who will assume you need help or that you are the weaker side. Along with these, comes pity and even despise. I totally understand when sis says she feels that it's necessary to stand on her own. Taking a favor will mean owing someone forever. And favors are harder to repay than monetary items.

I know most in the world will say that family ties is a precious being and one should learn to cherish it. My personal experience however taught me that most of the time, they are a burden. The only difference is whether you decide to soak it up or not. 

4 years

Dear starlight,

It's been 4 years... Just wanna let you know that we have not forgotten about you.

With love,

Ale~

updates

http://www.google.com/crisisresponse/japanquake2011.html

If you can~ do a little for those in need. The world needs more love, and it's so easy... just a click, a few types on the keyboard and you're done.

坚强

看着任爸爸的辛苦，勇气与坚强……
突然觉得自己不努力生活，努力呼吸，努力爱身边的人，事，物，
太奢侈了。太……不应该了。
一觉起来后，我希望自己不要忘了现在的念头，
而是把任爸爸的勇气与坚强学起来。

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/video/video.php?v=1818051134423&comments

自闭

也只有这里，
可以让我肆无忌惮地把心里的话说出来了。
毕竟这样扭曲的性格，
如果展露出来，
还是不太好吧。

在光鲜亮丽的外表下，
其实有个空虚，渴望的灵魂。

New Year... New Life

糜烂，得过且过的生活过了一年，
新的一年可要打起精神，
认真，努力地过生活哦！！！

YOSHI!!!

about life

I need to learn to be more happy about the world around me. Learn to be more appreciative and less critical about people and things happening around me. The world is still beautiful afterall...

Happy Birthday

dear Starlight~~~~~

socially inapt

that's me... (>.<)

微妙…

いまの状態は安心できない、
何かが絶対いつか爆破しちゃうかなぁと感じしています。
良くないなぁ～～～

累了~ 也怕了~

唉
时间可以倒流吗？
回到1年前好不好？

Japanese mummy's visit

It feels so surreal to be having meals with them and bringing them around my town. I'm a happy girl for now. :)

人心比世界复杂~

from Sina微博

@朱孝天：偈語<二>死者已逝，無苦無憂。可憐生者，喋喋不休。
@蕭敬騰:死者已逝，無苦無憂。生者生者，無憂無慮。
@朱孝天:我擔心你，因為你的純真最後一定會帶給你痛苦。不怪你，只能說這個世界太複雜了。
@蕭敬騰:你的心比世界複雜～這世界最複雜的就是人的思想人的心....

我：我觉得……敬腾这个叫大智若愚。年纪轻轻的他说不定才能把世界看得比较清楚……

ticket

me and my big mouth... the red light ticket is here... :((((((

thyroid, red lights and cats

1) Am hypothyroid now. The fast fluctuating hormone levels are giving me hell.. been having severe migraines for almost every day for the past week. Never knew migraines can get so bad... Chun, how did you live with it for so many years?

I definitely don't appreciate the body aches and extreme fatigue too... hope levels go up to normal soon... been reading up on levothyroxine, replacement hormones used to treat hypothyroid conditions... am not very happy with what I am reading... starting to wonder if it was a good decision to go with radioactive iodine afterall... nothing can be done now though... need to make sure I monitor my condition carefully. The internet is a powerful tool in this aspect. I'm also thankful that I am educated enough to make comparatively educated decisions on my condition.

2) The red light ticket that was supposed to come because of the 17th June incident did not come. I hope it gets stuck in the mail and lost in the records forever.

3) Been reading "Making rounds with Oscar" (http://www.amazon.com/Making-Rounds-Oscar-Extraordinary-ebook/dp/B0034EJL72) The book is amazing... I actually think I will enjoy it in English more than in Chinese though... (bought the chinese translated version in Shanghai).

Last day of being 24...

Think I got caught on camera for speeding through a red light... (= =)

Takayama

It's amazing how a trip to Takayama can make me so at peace with myself. Maybe the place is magical, but at least for now, I feel happier and energized to go on~ (wonder when's my next holiday to T-town...)