A Year in Review~

What better way to review it but through my year's facebook status?!

January
is taking a long time to recover from her cold...
wants to go on a cruise... :(
is not looking forward to the snow...
is back in snowy Takayama... 雪就别再下了啦
is doing elementary school CNY lessons and drowning my students with noisy CNY music! lol
is thinking hard...
is going to Korea for staff vacation (shokuin ryokou)
wishes everyone back in Singapore a prosperous new year. Gong Xi Fa Cai!!!

February
doesn't really wanna leave...
is going to HK for Farenheit concert! She thinks she's mad...
is at Nagoya Centrair and is looking forward to HK and Fahrenheit! ^^
was 1 meter away from Chun!!! (^o^)

March
misses chinese food already
is wondering where spring went...
is overweight and anemic... yay = =
Did everything I will never do in my life all in one weekend ><
has the Japanese anthem stucked in her head (= =)
needs exercise... she's exhausted from the hike. ><
It's a season of saying goodbye here in Japan... :(
just had kobe beef! ^^v
is :(
missed the bus and is Kyoto for another night

April
is back in Takayama and is dead tired. Thanks Jen for the wonderful trip!!!
misses the Spring in Kyoto and Himeji
is still feeling exhausted
is counting down to SMAP in 30 min! Miss them!!!
my Takuya looks like a girl... ><
Sakura sakura sakura
walked through Takayama Matsuri like a superstar.... our students are all over the place! ><
wishes that cherry trees stay pink forever
Tsuyopon, ganbare!!!!
Happy 21st Pam!

May
rabu rabu Takuya's mum's restaurant!!! Oishii!!!
doesn't know which is better... inaka or tokai... (she thinks she likes both ><)
SMAP最高！！！！
ma and sis are coming to Takayama!!!
doesn't wanna go back in 2 months time... :(
it's freezing for MAY... ><
was treated as a type A H1N1 case for 2 hours at the clinic until they cleared me as a common cold case... = = 3rd year students who went to Osaka and Kobe last week still in good condition.
is counting down to Mr. Brain!!! Woo hoo~!
Tsukumo... Omoshiroi!!
3 days to mum and pam's visit and I am SO busy at work!!!!!! :(
don't see herself recovering from her cold any time soon. :(
is proud of her students.

June
will anyone be going to Kyoto soon? I need help ><
needs to stop tearing the moment people talk about her leaving in a month (= =)
thanks the Takayama folks for the surprise and the wonderful night. ^^ *muah*
slept through a rakugo performance in school today because she didn't understand a thing... :(
was in total shock when my students told me about Michael Jackson's passing...
doesn't understand why it's ok to blast political campaign advertisments on a Sunday morning...

July
's tear ducts are not functioning properly
my student has a fan club (started by students in another school!)
feels so bad about leaving her students...
will try to live her last week in Japan to the fullest.
is gonna miss being called "Purishira sensei"
last night in Takayama. Thank you everyone for the amazing year.
at Nagoya Centrair after a LONG journey
thanks everyone for sending me off
is home...
misses everyone in Takayama~
needs to get on momentum...
I found "easy cheese" Krys! In Singapore!

September
is going blind from reading too much... she thinks she needs the autumn leaves from Takayama for a break!
feels old walking around NUS... :(
是小女孩，我没钱，我没有钱~~~

October
congratulations Hida Beefeaters!!!
hopes the typhoon doesn't get too bad in Japan~ good luck peeps!
阿尊尊生日快乐！！
恭喜阿尊尊步入30岁ojisan年代！ Happy birthday！
thinks xiangyun is bad company because she convinced her to buy an ipod nano in 5 minutes.

December
Merry Christmas!!!

不屑

也许是我自命不凡吧，
对过于勉强的东西和没有付出就得到的东西，
我向来都带着不屑的态度。
友谊就是这样，合得来就来，合不来真的不用勉强。
我很少会主动去联系人，
但是我真的很在乎的朋友，
我都会尽量时不时地送上一点关心。
因为我不喜欢无事不登三宝殿的感觉，
我想以纯粹的关心去和朋友来往。
我也很少为了社交去主动认识人。
因为我不喜欢以利益为基础去和人交朋友。
同理而论，
我也不喜欢向朋友要求任何好处。
自己能做到的哪里就哪里，
我不要用关系得到的好处。
这是我小小的原则，
也是我小小的坚持。
当然，在社会上工作，
社交是在所难免的。
做人怎么那么辛苦呢~ 唉……

nice song

不想懂得 (公主小妹 片尾曲)

作詞：姚若龍　
作曲：動靜音樂

＃當世界　不知不覺的變了　有時候　我懷念以前的我
　作的夢　雖然遠遠的　想像是　一種快樂
　擁有了　同時也失去什麼　而眷戀　原來會帶來軟弱
　你讓我在霧裡成熟　心開始曲折

＊我不想捨得　不想懂得　是誰惹誰　言不由衷
　說謊傷害　都是不安犯的錯　怕抱不緊什麼

我不想捨得　不想懂得　誰說割愛　才更深刻
彼此依賴　是愛不是負荷　互相照顧就是　幸福的

Repeat ＃,＊

我不想捨得　不想懂得　誰說割愛　才更深刻
彼此依賴　是愛不是負荷　能握著手就是　感動的

我願意　一秒鐘放棄全宇宙　擠在只有我們　緊靠的小星球

Repeat ＊

※我多不捨得　多不懂得　誰說割愛　才更深刻
　彼此依賴　是愛不是負荷　能握著手就是　感動的

Repeat ＊,※

Life

Who says fangirling is a waste of time? I think my idols make me a better person.

From Chun:

Life tip 1)
first, life is worthwhile if you learn.
What you don't know will hurt you. You have to have learning to exist, let alone succeed.
Life is worthwhile if you learn from your own experiences, negative and positive.
We learn to do it right by first sometimes doing it wrong.
We call that a positive negative.
We also learn from other people's experiences, both positive and negative.
I've always said it is too bad failures don't give seminars.
We don't want to pay them so they don't tour around giving seminars.
But the information would be very valuable – how someone who had it all, messed it up.
Learning from other people's experiences and mistakes.
We learn by what we see - pay attention.
By what we hear – be a good listener.
Now i do suggest being a selective listener, don't just let anybody dump into your mental factory.
We learn from what we read.
Learn from every source.
Learn from lectures, learn from songs, learn from sermons, learn from conversations with people who care.
Keep learning.

life tip 2)
life is worthwhile if you try.
You can't just learn; you now have to try something to see if you can do it.
Try to make a difference, try to make some progress, try to learn a new skill, try to learn a new sport.
Life is worthwhile if you try.
It doesn't mean you can do everything but there are a lot of things you can do, if you just try.
Try your best.
Give it every effort.
Why not go all out?

life tip 3)
life is worthwhile if you stay.
You have to stay from spring until harvest.
If you have signed up for the day or for the game or for the project - see it through.
Sometimes calamity comes and then it is worth wrapping it up.
And that's the end, but just don't end in the middle.
Maybe on the next project you pass, but on this one, if you signed up, see it through.

life tip 4)
life is worthwhile if you care.
If you care at all you will get some results, if you care enough you can get incredible results.
Care enough to make a difference.
Care enough to turn somebody around.
Care enough to start a new enterprise.
Care enough to change it all.
Care enough to be the highest producer.
Care enough to set some records.
Care enough to win.

1010 於 December 9, 2009, 4:42 pm 回应

Quote from Chun...

Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still! So… remember to do something useful and beneficial everyday!

Trust

I was trying to get ticket's for Fahrenheit's Music Showcase online yesterday and found a particular seller who offered a pair of tickets. We came to terms and arranged to meet on Monday to complete the transaction.

Later in the day, he texted me his account number to say that I can send him the money through ATM funds transfer beforehand if I feel comfortable with it (since I offered doing that earlier through the phone to make sure he reserves the tickets for me. He said it's ok then.). Of course, I will prefer to hand the money to him in person and get the tickets on the spot, hence, I asked him to trust me with my words and I will give him the money when I meet him on Monday. Earlier this afternoon, again, he texted me to say that he hopes I honor my words as he just turned down another offer.

I guess it's difficult to trust people especially when you have not met that person. What I can do is to reassure him that I will honor my commitment. I too, am worried that he may take my money and flee yeah? At least for now, what he stands to lose is a potential buyer for tickets he got for free (the tickets were given to people who bought Sony Ecrisson phones from M1).

This brings us to the question of trust. In most life situations, you either choose to trust and risk being disappointed, or distrust and make life difficult for yourself. I will usually choose to trust people unless proven otherwise. Afterall, even our closest people may betray us. So what about taking a gamble and learn to trust? We MAY just hit the jackpot and meet very reliable people. ^^

欺骗？

最近有的人可能会觉得我在渐渐跟他们疏远。
为什么会这样呢？
因为觉得自己跟这些人的关系并没有那么亲密，
因为觉得自己不需要委屈自己去娱乐他人，
因为觉得自己值得被重视和关心，
因为觉得自己值得被视为独一无二……
等等吧？

从小虽然不是班上最受欢迎的那个，
但是身边的朋友从来没有少过。
不是因为我有魅力，
是因为我对什么人都很好。

当妹妹对一些人闪避或疏远的时候，
我常常会说她不应该这样对人，
毕竟人家跟你示好，你应该珍惜。

但是想想，妹妹这么做很好啊。
不需要觉得有人对你好你就一定要回应对方。
自己也想和对方做朋友才去回应对方。
这样才是最真挚的友好不是吗？

从小都会觉得因为人家对自己好，
所以自己就必须回应，
甚至加倍的对对方好。
因此“养”了很多觉得自己跟我很好的“朋友”。
他们可能觉得我是他们的挚友，
觉得我和他们关系很好。
但是真的……他们一点也不了解我。
他们只是在需要我的“友情”的时候才会出现在我的身边。
因为我……永远都会在。

但是我的的回应……永远出自于“责任”。

这样的友谊好吗？
某种程度上，我在欺骗他们的友谊吧……
所以我想……还是自私一点，只对真的想对他好的对象好就好了。
为了不让自己太累，为了不欺骗对方的真心。

開到荼蘼

荼蘼：在花季裏開的最後一種花 （http://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E8%8D%BC%E8%98%BC）
作詞人林夕說開到荼蘼的意思就是好的事情已經到了尾聲。

从百度的帖子copy过来：
开到荼蘼
荼蘼， 蔷薇科，落叶小灌木，攀缘茎,茎上有钩状刺，羽状复叶，小叶椭圆形，花白色，有香气，夏季盛放。荼蘼过后，无花开放，因此人们常常认为荼靡花开是一年花季的终结。 出自＜＜红楼梦＞＞．原句是：开到荼靡花事了．是女仆麝月抽到的花签．苏轼诗：“荼靡不争春，寂寞开最晚。”任拙斋诗:“一年春事到荼靡。”王琪诗：“一从梅粉褪残妆，涂抹新红上海棠。开到荼縻花事了，丝丝天棘出莓墙。”开到荼蘼花事了，意为荼蘼花开时，春天那些五色斑斓，美艳不可方物的各类花儿，都悄悄地把喧嚣让给即将到来的如火夏天。

荼蘼花开代表女子的青春已成过去。荼蘼花开，表示感情的终结。爱到荼蘼，意蕴生命中最灿烂、最繁华或最刻骨铭心的爱即将失去。


因爲蕭敬騰認識了這首歌，歌詞很不錯，居於私心，不聼王菲的原版，聼聼敬騰的詮釋：



原唱：王菲
作詞：林夕

每隻螞蟻 都有眼睛鼻子 牠美不美麗
偏差有沒有一毫釐 有何關係
每一個人 傷心了就哭泣 餓了就要吃
相差大不過天地 有何刺激

有太多太多魔力 太少道理
太多太多遊戲 只是為了好奇
還有甚麼值得 歇斯底里
對甚麼東西 死心塌地

一個一個偶像 都不外如此
沉迷過的偶像 一個個消失
誰曾傷天害理 誰又是上帝
我們在等待 甚麼奇蹟

最後剩下自己 捨不得挑剔
最後對著自己 也不大看得起
誰給我全世界 我都會懷疑
心花怒放 卻開到荼蘼

一個一個一個人 誰比誰美麗
一個一個一個人 誰比誰甜蜜
一個一個一個人 誰比誰容易
又有甚麼了不起

每隻螞蟻 和誰擦身而過
都那麼整齊 有何關係
每一個人 碰見所愛的人 卻心有餘悸

How well do you know a gemini?

Got from a forum and thought it's very well written.

双子座
　　
　　双子孤傲是因为他们自信，双子善变是因为世界在改变，双子没有耐性是因为他们发现了不值得，双子冷漠是因为他们害怕被伤害，双子花心是因为他们没有找到真爱，双子不在乎是因为你没有看到他们的敏感。
　　
笑
　　
　　双子们的笑永远都是最单纯的，无论什么时候你都会看到一直都在笑的双子，因为他们一直都只想把自己的快乐带给别人，却只把悲伤留给自己，你没有看到过双子的眼泪是因为他从来不会在被人面前哭，当你看到双子的眼泪的时候，那么说明你是真的把他们的真心夺走了，因为双子真的很需要一份值得的依靠，他会每时每刻的在乎你的一切，他们很敏感的，会跟着你的快乐而快乐，跟着你的忧愁而忧愁，跟着你的改变而改变，但在你面前他们从来都是快乐的。
　　
爱
　　
　　一提到双子的爱，一般人肯定都会说：
　　双子座的人最花心。可是是真的是这样吗？双子和异性的关系好只是因为他们非同一般的亲和力，而双子的真心只有一个，当他找到的时候，他就会付出自己的一切让对方得到幸福，他要的不是他自己能和对方在一起，他要的是对方的幸福，和双子在一起会感到很随和，因为他会包容你的一切，你的一切优点和缺点，和双子在一起绝对不会觉得被锁住，你只要做自己就好，因为双子喜欢的就是真实的你，做作的人根本不会得到双子的心。
　　
坚强
　　
　　有人说双子很坚强，什么都不在乎，是阿，表面的双子确实很坚强，但是内心他们比任何人都脆弱，也许这也是风向星座的人的一个特性，决不会让别人看到自己脆弱的一面，因为他们都是一个有一双别人看不见翅膀的天使，天生就会给别人带来快乐，双子们的眼泪是透明的，别人看不见，可是自己却能看得很清楚这样的透明的泪给自己开来双倍的痛。
　　
人际
　　
　　双子们的人缘很好，因为他们懂得你什么时候需要什么样的帮助，而且双子们会根据不同的人有不同的交往方式，双子很容易相信别人，所以经常会被欺骗，可是在欺骗后他们仍然会轻轻的笑笑然后说：没关系的，他骗我肯定会有原因。双子从来不会知道后悔是什么，因为他们时时刻刻都在为别人想，总会设身处地，可是这样别人根本就不知道，就是因为他帮助别人太多了，所以在他需要帮助的时候却总是孤立无援，然后继续的笑着，笑着找到一个角落，留下那颗透明的泪。
　　
朋友
　　
　　当双子的朋友真的很幸福哦！因为当你遇到什么困难时，他会比你更着急，甚至会失去自己宝贵的东西也会帮助你，他会带给你快乐帮你分担忧愁，可是你却看不到他的孤独和无助，当双子看到你不高兴的时候，无论这时他有多么的郁闷，他也会立刻露出最真实的笑容来帮助你。
　　
执着
　　
　　说双子善变，那只是片面之词，对于双子真正喜欢的东西，它是会执着的让人害怕的，就是因为内心太像小孩子太单纯，所以对于他们真正喜欢的东西，他们是根本就不知道放弃是什么的，除非是他们自己发现这个东西不值得，否则他们是绝对不会放弃的，只要是他们肯定的，他们就会有超出别人很多的坚持和执著。
　　
自尊
　　
　　双子的自尊很重要，对于他们最重要的恐怕就是这个了，他们懂得原谅，无数次的去试着原谅，就算别人让自己千疮百孔，他们也会无条件的有自己的宽容，有自己的原则和原谅，就是因为他们的自尊，他们的自尊心让他们相信这个世界永远都是最美的，因为他们的自尊不允许自己放弃这个世界。
　　
分享
　　
　　在双子的世界里没有分享，只有是你的或者是我的，他们不会把一样东西去和别人分享，因为他们认为这样对那样东西是不公平的，因为他在乎每一个人每一样东西的感觉，只要他认为这件东西是自己可以割舍的，他绝对会无条件的退出，去成全别人，对于欺骗过他们的恋人，他会选择原谅，但绝对不会再和他们在一起，因为他懂得这样不值得。
　　
　　
双子座的人真的很可爱，真的很需要人的保护和安慰，他们不会放弃世界，却会放弃自己，去成全别人，他们懂得原谅和理解，无论这一秒他有多讨厌一个人，下一秒看到那个人脆弱的一面，他还是会去无条件地帮助他，真的很傻吧？但是傻的好可爱，好让人心疼，痛过以后，他们依然会笑着面对以后未知的路，继续原谅，继续理解，继续快乐，继续的傻着，改变双子真的很难吧？因为他们的心都是金刚石作的，但不是说他们无情，他们的执着只是针对自己的，那么孤傲的一个人，也只是针对自己，因为他们不知道怎么表达自己的内心，所以他们选择了沉默。

Happy Birthday Starlight

Missing you...

.

A professor once told me before that he's fine with all kinds of requests and will not be angry as long as the student don't make use of his kindness for it.

There's a part of me deep inside that's always afraid that the people around me will abandon me. Because of that fear, I am always nice to people and will do things for them as long as it's within my abilities.

However, more then often, I end up feeling that some people are taking advantage of me. Because I am easy to talk to; because I am "always" available, I become a back-up friend for them. Someone to look for only when they need something from me, when they need someone to talk to, when they need advices. Somehow, I am just a handy person whom they find valuable to know because I can help them in a way or another.

As I told a friend that day, if there's someone who is able to do things for me without me having to call out for help, I think I will fall for that person.

承诺

信用这东西呢，和金钱不一样，
是没有从天而降降的横财这种东西的。
每一份的信用都是得靠一次又一次的承诺以及其兑现而累积的。
狼来了的故事我们小时候常常听。
大人们用这故事教小朋友诚实的美德。
但是故事真正想根我们说的，
应该是信用这东西的重要性与脆弱性吧。
毕竟，财务破产了可以重新赚，
信用破产了，用一辈子都不一定能挽回。

给爱人的遗书

在看林依晨的电视访问，问她害怕死亡的时刻的到来吗？
她说：怕的不是那个时候，怕的那时刻来的时候，还没把想做的事情做完。

在非常幸福的时候，
有时我会觉得自己就算下一刻就死了也没关系。
甚至会觉得下一刻就死了的话会给自己的人生画下很好的句点。
不是觉得现在的自己已经很完美了，
也不是因为没有更大的梦想想要完成。
而是因为害怕下一个目标达成之前所要面对的挑战。
而是因为害怕自己会经不起挑战而失败。

因此，我觉得勇气是人生最珍贵的东西。
有了勇气，
人们可以为梦想而奋斗，
可以为了正义而选择该做的事情，
也可以面对心灵深处那个最诚实的自己。

真正的关心

回到了都市生活，
随着忙碌的生活节奏和利益争夺的生活环境所带来的，
是淡泊的人情和所谓的物竞天择的想法。
可是人，需要那么多物质才能过生活吗？
短短的几十年，我们需要那么多物质吗？
如果过得不快乐，物质上的富裕有意义吗？
我在日本遇到的是真正关心我快乐的人……

学校的护士会因为担心我在日本一个人生病没人照顾而在放工后到我家给我送爱心礼包
因为担心我一个人在外国不敢出去玩专门带我出去逛逛
我同事因为担心我冬天着凉而教我如何保暖
每次有新的宴会场所他们都会特别问我会不会自己去，给我画地图等等
因为我是女生，每次宴会他们都会特别注意我可以安全回家
家长会因为知道我喜欢吴尊而帮我录他的电视节目
我同事会因为觉得一个人回新加坡太寂寞而专门跑来机场给我送行

等等等

他们是毫无条件的，单纯的希望我安全，希望我健康，希望我快乐而帮我做了好多好多……
我到底为他们做了什么呢？
老实说，我也不知道。
好惭愧……

A few things to remember

Before I throw myself into a twillpool and lose myself in it, there are a few things that I want to make sure I remember.

1) Be nice to people. Not every one is as strong as we are. Even if they are, being nice to others makes the world a nicer place to live in.

2) Be nice to myself. Life is short and living everyday is an accomplishment on its own. Appauld yourself because you've done a great job so far.

3) Just keep going. Even if the going gets tough, nothing is forever. Keep going and things will be okay. Somehow.

4) Be appreciative. Nobody owes me anything.

5) A nice word can easily make someone's day. It never harms to be polite and pleasant.

6) Being happy. Because being unhappy only makes things worse for myself.

7) Live everyday to the fullest with my best effort. Because that's the way to live without regrets.

8) Always take time out for others. Even if I am busy.

9) Don't get lost in the rat race. Walk through it knowing what I know and don't lose purpose and meaning along the way.

10) Keep dreaming. Because it's the driving force for life.

Saying goodbye to Japan

The last week had been heart breaking. Saying goodbye to all my students, seeing them break into tears, breaking into tears myself...
I made a total mess of myself in all my schools. Especially so in my JHS. Since it was my last school, I thought I would be ok after all the mess I made in elementary school. But that was a big mistake. When my principal talked about me in front of the whole school, I started crying (with mucus flowing out of my nose) even before my speech. Then during my speech, I was in a total mess. Since I didn't bring any tissue papers with me, I had to clean myself on my trousers. And the same hands shook my students' hands as they handed me the message boards and flowers they prepared. *buries face in hands*

I don't know if it's Japan, or maybe it's just inaka (rural)... the people here are so "real". It's just really easy to put your heart and soul into your relationship with them. Because they show you everything of themselves, you also return it. In the past year, I've built relationships so deeply with my students and friends that I would have never imagined possible a year ago. Leaving them is painful. It literally feels like a part of my heart was torn apart. I have never felt so attached to anything in my life. But now, I feel that the 96 students I have in my JHS are a vital part of my life that the thought of not being able to grow with them anymore is unbearable.

Thank you Japan, thank you Takayama. Thank you for the best year of my life.


--------------------------------------------
I attach my speech for my JHS students:
皆さんこんにちは、

今まで、ありがとうございました。本当に短い一年間でしたが、一生忘れない、私の人生で最高な一年だと思います。おかげさまで、本当に沢山すばらしい思い出を作りました。

初めて日本に来たとき、本当に沢山不安がありました。しかし、初めて学校に来たとき、皆さんは大きい声で、元気に挨拶してくれました。本当にいい学校に来ることができて良かったな～と思いました。清見中の皆さんは本当にいい生徒たちです。短い一年でしたが、皆さんのつがらしい姿を沢山心に残りました。体育祭、音楽祭、福祉体験、ふるさと祭り、文化祭、最近の市中体連大会でも、皆さんは勉強以外に沢山な活動があります。皆さんは本当にいつも頑張っているなぁと思います。皆さんの姿を見ると、自分ももっと頑張りましょうと思います。皆さんから、沢山の元気をいただきました。ありがとうございました。

そして、皆さんのことを見て良いなぁと思うことがあります。それは皆さんは保育園からずっと一緒な仲間がいることです。皆さんは学習の中で、生活の中で、いつもお互いのことを見守って、お互いに助けあっています。自分にもこんな仲間がいるといいなぁ～と思いました。今の皆さんには分からないかもしれないですが、そのような仲間ができるのは、たぶん今しかないです。だから、皆はその仲間たちを大事にしてください。もっとやさしくしてください。

これから、私はもう皆さんと一緒に勉強することができなくなります。皆さんとお別れするのは辛いです。皆さんの元気な笑顔が見れなくなることは、寂しいです。でも、遠くシンガポールにいても、皆さんのことをずっと心のなかで思っています。皆さんのことを一生忘れないです。いつか、また会えたら、英語で話しましょう！

私はシンガポールに帰ったら、科学者になるために大学院に入ります。私は小学校の頃から、医者になりたいと思いました。人が好きですから、人の命を守るために医者になりたいです。でも、結局大学校の医学部に入れませんでした。でも、人の命を守るための夢をあきらめたくないです。科学者になると、病気になった人のために新しい薬や治療方法を探すことができます。それで，科学者になりたいのです。

本当にもう一年でもいい、皆と一緒にいたいです。皆さんと離れることはとっても辛いです。でも、夢もあきらめたくないです。悩んで悩んで、辛いですが、やっぱりシンガポールに帰って、夢のためにがんばりたいと思います。

これから、皆さんもそれぞれ、自分がやりたいこと、つまり自分の夢を探してください。そして、その夢を叶えるように、一生懸命に頑張ってください。皆さんと話す時、よく聞いたことは＿＿になりたいです、でも難しいから、いいです。でも、何のことでも、一生懸命やってみないと、分からないです。本当にできるかどうかは分からないですが、一生懸命で努力したことがあれば、後は後悔しないだろう。

一緒に頑張りましょう。お元気でね～また、色々ありがとうございました。
_______________________________________________________________
May I never forget to do what I asked my students to do as I struggle in the years to come through life.

孤独

从小我就想当怕寂寞，
就算一个人在家里，
还是喜欢有被人陪着的感觉。
小时候我会时时刻刻都在论坛上，
现在则是会一直挂着facebook.
只要感觉不是呼天不应叫地不灵就好……

一直都觉得朋友不需要太多，
只要有几个知心的就够了。
可是今天突然很想找人诉苦，发牢骚，
打开msn却一个人也找不到……
在脑海里的联络簿翻了又翻，
老实说，
能坐下来听我诉苦，给我我需要的安慰的朋友……
我一个也想不到。

活到24岁才沦落到这番田地……
有时候还真的觉得是自己哪里出了问题。

dreams

So Paul Coleman (this guy who walked from Canada to Mexico i think to plant trees) came to our school a couple of weeks ago. With him, he brought a lady who leads an environmentalist group from South Africa. She's the daughter of Mr. Universe who happens to be Arnold's trainer. She told us about her life story, about how she didn't finish college education, took off to travel the world and ended up giving brith in the forest of the US. Then she decided to return home where she found the meaning of her life and decided to work for the earth. She founded an orgainzation which is currently renowned around the world.

She also talked about Arnold's story. Arnold apparantly show her dad a list when he was 18. It contained everything Arnold wanted to do in his life. From owning a car to becoming the governor of California at the end of the list. So throughout his life, he worked for those dreams and ticked the list one by one. When he became the governor of California, he finished ticking everything that was on the list. So now, he decided to be an environmentalist and do something for the Earth and for the future.

My japanese teacher of english sat beside me during the talk. He asked me: "What's on your list?" I thought for a while and told him... "I don't have one." I had one though (which I did not tell him). It used to contain dreams to be a doctor, to be a great doctor and to volunteer as a doctor in some of the poorest country in the world. When I didn't get into medical school 6 years ago, I threw my dreams out of the window and decided to just be happy.

Some asked me if I still wanna be a doctor. I don't know. Maybe I still do. But another part of me just wants to be happy and not push myself too much anymore. Do my best in whatever I am given the opportunity to do and see what it brings me to.

I don't have a list of dreams anymore...
Maybe, I'm just afraid of not achieving my dream again.

------------------------------------------------

On the other hand... a friend just reminded me to start thinking about what I can do for others. ^^

Doing more...

A fellow ALT asked me today... "did you ever think of doing something more outside of your job as an ALT? Like start something or lead something?"

Honestly, I usually rest any ideas that pop up... because I am too lazy to do the extra work. Also due to fear of it being beyond my abilities.

People here start charity projects, initiate community activities or start events... they're not always sucessful, but their spirit of wanting to create and initate and put an idea into work is indeed something I shld learn to pick up.

Satisfaction

When my student who won top 3 in our municiple speech contest last Saturday, she ran up to me and hugged me calling "sensei" in pure joy. To be the person whom she wants to share the prize most with... I guess this is the best reward a teacher can get.

Being a teacher often requires us to seek satisfaction in the achievements of our students. Unlike this particular competition, most achievements of our students will not come in tomorrow. It's probably 10 years, 20 years down the road for most of them. We might never know that we are the ones to allow that success of that student either.

I am a very self centered person. Satisfaction comes to me when I achieve something I want, in the way I want it to be achieved. However, to learn to seek satisfaction through the achievements of others may actually be a lesson I should learn... just like a mother who seeks pride in her high achieving son/daughter, maybe satisfaction in life can come in forms more than that of self-achievement. Nevertheless, before I seek satisfaction through the achievements of others, a part of me still wants to create more achievements that I can proudly call my own.

Living

I've not been blogging alot lately. I think it reflects my mental state. I've not been thinking. ><

Everyday's more about experiencing and seeing and absorbing. It's as though there's no time to reflect and process the things I am seeing, doing and experiencing.

Well... a recent thought... I went to Tokyo for Golden Week and I felt totally comfortable in the big city (which shows that I am really from Singapore), but at the same time, I miss the countryside where there are mountains and rivers and history. I think I like both of them. ><

来世

最近有人问我相不相信有来世这事情。
也有人问我觉得死了会去哪里。
他说肉体是有形的，会死去，可是灵魂呢？

我说……所谓的灵魂是我们脑细胞的活动所产生的。
生命没了，所谓的灵魂也跟着消失。
与其说我是无神论，不如说我对不能证明的事物保持观望态度。
对鬼神，轮回，特异功能，甚至外星人，在没有实据证明之前，我不会说自己相信他们的存在。
但与此同时我也不否定他们。

所谓的灵魂和轮回，对我而言一点也不重要。
我唯一可以确定的是，我现在是活着的。
在活着的当儿，我要尽情的生活，做我觉得有意义的事情，体验人生。
死了后会发生什么事，谁也不知道。
因此我选择不去花时间和精力寻找在我有限的人生中不可能找到的答案。

Remembering starlight 2 years on

Hey dear~

The stars here in the mountains of Japan are beautiful. I guess the view up there is better, but I'll still like to share it with you. We miss you.


Yours,
Aleshiela

Carpe Diem

With only 5 more months in Japan and with freedom, it's almost a case of sieze EVERY moment for me. That includes hopping onto a trip with 2 of my friend's couch surfers, my friend and his friend on a trip to see the illumination of Shirakawa-go last Saturday and going to Hong Kong this Friday to watch Fahrenheit's concert. While all these adventures are making me seriously broke... there's a certain satisfaction to be able to decide upon something and hope on the next bus/train/plane to do it. I wonder how many more adventures awaits me in the next 5 months. ^^

Not to forget to live

A quick visit back to my sunny island is actually pretty rewarding... apart from being able to savour my favorite food and meet some of my favorite people on Earth, I was also able to see my friends settling into their new working life and to actually feel the differences going to Japan had made to me. A friend of mine commented, "you are enjoying the quality of life"... while my friends in Singapore work more than 12 hours every day with no "life" to talk about, I work no more than 10 hours per day (despite being a workaholic) and is able to enjoy beautiful scenaries, pottery lessons, free performances by the local choral groups etc etc etc... (my FYP mentor thinks I am nuts to be spending time on these things.. ^^;;)

I am reminded to not take what I am enjoying forgranted and to savour every moment I have at the land of the raising sun. This may afterall be THE time of my life.

对人没有期望

有的人觉得我很成熟，不会去要求身边的人对自己好，对自己温柔等等~
每当被人这么说我就很纳闷…… 怎么说呢~ 因为心里从来没有“指望”有人会对我好吧~
心中某处对人性是鄙视的，觉得人都是自私的。 只有自己才能对自己好。
因此，当有朋友对我无条件的好的时候，我都会特别感动，更会觉得必须回报人家~ 对人家双倍的好。