I resigned from the forum as a boardmistress yesterday.
It was an enjoyable 2 years, learnt alot of things, gained alot of experience...
had times when I was really happy, and times when it was really bad.
times when I was so mad that I couldn't sleep, and times when I was really sleepy but a forum meeting is still going on.
times when I felt all puffed up and ready to fight, and times when I was really tired and just wanna let go.

This time, I really feel that I can let go. Not because I don't like Takuya anymore (NEVER!!), but because things have developed so that I feel that I can let go of a place that I really like (liked?) alot, and really enjoy just simply wasting my time at.

Not that I won't go to the forum anymore though, that place still holds alot of memories, but I don't want to deal with some problems anymore. A sense of total... dispair.

Noting this down in this blog because this place plays a very impt role in my life over the last 2 years, and I met some really nice friends at this place too, friends that I hope, unlike how it works in the cyberspace... can last for a long time.

A large majority of the human relationship in this world revolves around a symbiotic relationship. In other words, the relationship exist because it is benefitial for both parties. Pessimistic? But there's nothing wrong with such a relationship. Both parties get what they want don't they? So everyone's happy.

When the situation becomes that where one party is always giving, imbalance sets in. Let's not bother if the person who is always giving feels bothered by the one-sided relationship in the first place, but somehow, this relation is fundamentally wrong. Nevertheless, there's nothing an outsider can say if the party giving wants to give and the "taker" don't find about problem about keep taking though.

However, it's when you find a person whom you are willing to give to without expecting a return, and that person too feels the same when giving to you. That's when this relationship should be cherished and nurtured with care.

p/s: the opposite of lateral's medial according to yiling. ^^ Thanks dear!!

The irony of things...
I went for a blood test yesterday (for the thyriod thing).
The nurses took my blood, "poked" 3 times into my arms (1 each on the inner part of my elbow... don't ask me what's the medical term... lateral's opposite? argh... whatever... can one of the medics tell me? lazy to check book, I'm a lousy bioengineer lar... anyway, and one on the back of my left palm), and took around 15ml of my blood AND I had to pay... 130 dollars for it. (I had my ATCH and cortisol levels checked in addition to my T3 and T4 levels because I have dark joints... but it shouldn't be a problem)

Anyway... the irony is that you have to PAY to get your blood taken.

AND... my left palm still hurts!!!!! Shouldn't have suggested that the nurse tries the palm.... in the first place, she didn't manage to get much blood out from there (my vessel constricted when the needle went in... too good veins? = =), and in the second place, I thought she'll use the mini butterfly needle that they used at gleneagles... but she used the same kind of needle she used on the inners of my elbow (ie: the needle's diameter is BIG. peng).

You know... when the needle's inside my arm and the nurse's wiggling around to find the vein... I can imagine my flesh being meshed up slightly under the epidermis... like... a food processer.

well... but no worries, I don't blame the nurse or anything, I know I have deep veins and well.. she's doing her job yeah?

This thought just popped out of nowhere...

Have I changed over the years?

Has transfering school to st nicks changed me?
Has knowing Shuyan changed me?
Has taking Jap changed me?
Has Takuya changed me?
Has going to 2 Grace changed me?
Has knowing xiaoting changed me?
Has going to Sapporo changed me?
Has choosing RJ changed me?
Has the decision to pursue medicine changed me?
Has not going into medicine in NUS changed me?
Has doing Bioengineering changed me?

I seem to be resisting change, because I want to be me, I don't want to change because of anybody, or any thing.

Then, I realised... these changes are me! They've shaped me into who I am today. well... not to say that I am pleased with the person I am now, but there's no denial that these things in my life changed me. When I smile and laugh at something that I don't exactly think is funny, maybe it's what I've been through that made me like that. When I shut myself out from the world and stop anyone from peeping into my thoughts, maybe it's what I've seen that made me like that. Don't ask me what those things are. Because, I don't know. But there's something that I hope I will remember when I do anything or make any decisons: that I do and decide upon what I think I want to do, what I think I should do.