Hi people... haven't been blogging for some days.... let's see... it's because I have nothing joyful to blog about. well... except that I found a new smap fan friend in carol...

Life has been pretty much a drag these days as the day to the start of uni draws closer. I know I chose this route and I cannot afford the luxury to regret or feel self-pity... As many of my friends take their first steps into the fulfillment of their dreams, mine's still a mist. The inertia to move is not from being stagnant for too long (according to puriko's first law of physics), but the plain dislike of the things that's going to happen. This is a period of time I know I will have to learn to master up strength and courage to move on, to brave what's instill for me in life. However, I feel weak. I have no desire to push forward. While the strength has to be drawn from within, it's not there for me.

I have no desire to join activities in uni, I just wanna hide in my little hermit shell and escape from reality. But another part of me tells me that it is not the way to do things... for my own sake, I have to move. I'm still not going for orientation though, I can well cramp another week of driving... that's my pirority at the moment.

Sometimes, I ask myself... what did I do to end myself in this state? Did I do anything wrong? I'll like to tell myself, "no", but I cannot be linient with myself. Something I learnt over the years is that only the people who work hard for something will get that they are looking for, but not every one who works hard get what they want. That's life. I did not work hard enough. Is that right? I start to question myself. I have lost who I am... or probably, I never knew who I am. I am a person who will bend and adapt myself to whatever comes my way... I have no strict principals to talk about, and I don't like that. I don't knwo what I am driving at already... as you probaly noticed, my mind's in a whirl. I cannot think without not giving myself a headache. I'm leading life day by day under the inertia to move on. I know I cannot afford to do that anymore, but the force to push on is not found. argh.