quit

I want to quit my phd program....
but I think I still like research....
but apart from the research I think I am working on, everything else is crap....
I hate my life, and I hate the person I am becoming.
I don't like to be thought as though I am stealing someone else's work.
I feel that that is my work...
I dislike my current condition and I don't know what to do about it.
I want to quit and go to bed to sleep.

良くないです

在看smap的professional的节目，
小孩子问了一个问题，说smap里谁是最年轻的，
他猜某拓是最年轻的，大概21岁。nakai…… 40岁！
笑死我了~
突然……好想念我日本的学生哦～～～
现在的生活一直笼罩在负面思想里，
对自己未来一点憧憬都没有的日子真的快过不下去了。

负面情绪是会传染的

真的很不喜欢常常被周围的人影响情绪的自己。
更不喜欢每次因为一些负面情绪而变得不开心的自己。
我也喜欢自己的笑容啊~ 可是失去的微笑从哪里开始找起呢？

工作

有时候真的很想把一切都放下，
然后找个心里很想做，梦想做的工作，
什么都不考虑，活在当下。

最近读了一篇文章，
说那些放弃正值，
去找寻梦想的人，
往往到了最后都搞得比原来的工作忙碌，
搞得连喜欢的东西都变得不喜欢了。
的确，放下一切去当导游吗？
其实我觉得我会在几年后因为工作的繁琐和重复而对这个梦想中的工作觉得疲倦。
当翻译吗？
我觉得我会因为把兴趣变成工作而讨厌起曾经很喜欢的语言。

一个好朋友最近跟我说：
工作呢，还是找个能给你推动力的，有挑战性的。
喜欢的东西还是当兴趣好了。

想想~ 我还是乖乖当我的书呆子，
有空的时候，请个长假到处去溜达溜达就好了~

追星

今年3月的时候去看了JJ的演唱会~ 为了老萧而去的。之后疯狂地一起追到了他们庆功会的地方。
看着敬腾像动物园里头的小动物般围观，拍照，要high five……
我突然觉得当明星好可怜。
如果是自己在他的位子，会非常不舒服吧？！
以后决定不要再做这样的事情了。
演唱会，签名会，乖乖地排队，
乖乖地在他愿意被人看到的时候看他就好了。

competitiveness

I don't know if it's just me, but it feels like the world around me now is hihgly competitive. For some reason, people want to prove that they are better than others, in terms of skills, knowledge or other unsubstantial issues. To constantly feel compared or stupid is not nice at all.... and I really don't like myself for always wanna stay above the tide. The competitiveness inside me doesn't allow me to fail... but really, what does being no. 1 mean?

the relatives

How thick exactly is blood? Some times, some people assume you HAVE TO help them because you are related by blood. Even though your personal beliefs and values are miles apart and if unrelated by blood, we would never be friends. Then there are people who will assume you need help or that you are the weaker side. Along with these, comes pity and even despise. I totally understand when sis says she feels that it's necessary to stand on her own. Taking a favor will mean owing someone forever. And favors are harder to repay than monetary items.

I know most in the world will say that family ties is a precious being and one should learn to cherish it. My personal experience however taught me that most of the time, they are a burden. The only difference is whether you decide to soak it up or not.