for more than a time in the last few months, I wish I never have to grow up... I want to be under the safe shelther of my family and my school... where I will never have to learn the harsh realities of life, of dealing with people, of 'the world out there'.

I want to maintain the heart of a child... wanna keep on believing that people are kind at heart, that everything is possible as long as I work hard enough for it, that people wants the best for each other, etc. ...

I don't want to think about tomorrow, don't want to think of a reason/purpose before I do something, don't want to admit that there are people whom I don't like... foolish? childish? maybe... I've always trained myself to believe that this is part of growing up... but recently, this thought came to me: "I don't have to grow up like that!" I can be honest to myself, be nice to other people, and keep on believing that people are kind! that I love life, that I love people... but yet... the truth is: many a times, the true reality doesn't allow me to keep on believing. Am I becoming a disillutioned person? someone who have lost the ability to dream? to love? to believe? My internal resistance is trying very hard to prevent that from happening... but I think, the resistance is failing soon... I'm so tired. I want to just hide into my little hermit shell and lead a life away from all of this... I find it difficult to accept that the outside world is the way I see it... I still want to believe that I am wrong... but can I? somebody help me!! I'm drowing in confusion...